STUPID LITTLE MONKEYS

I know a little innocent five month old baby who passed away two days before Christmas. There is very little explanation, though they think it was from SIDS. Everyone has been asking the infamous question "WHY?"

God gives us miraculous life. To experience life from the true beginning, and to go through the anxiety of pregnancy, a woman realizes many things. Hope, worry, curiosity, love (among many other emotions) are all felt to the nth degree. Even our smell and tastes are more acute. No good mother can or needs to explain it to another mother, as it is all mutually understood.

To think of this new life within us as a miracle is an extreme understatement. We've done very little to be in this state, and God's magnificent plan takes over. We see it, we feel it, we sense it - every step of the way, but we always know it is His plan of creation, During pregnancy, we do not take credit, but give the credit of life to Him. We can not explain this miracle of life He has given us, but we know He is there, embracing our child and helping her grow within us.

When the birth arrives, again, it is different for every woman. Every mother has a different birth experience, with hopefully, the same healthy outcome. The life of an infant, so desperately needing us, and yet another wonderful thing happens instantly to us. The nurturing and love overwhelms us, with the incredibly fast realization this child needs to be taken care of and taught. We physically take over God's plan and begin to raise the child, getting from Him unknown strength we never realized we had within us. Very soon, we confuse ourselves and think we are now in control over this tiny new life.

Some may differ from my opinion, but the miracle continues when we pass from this Earth and are Heaven bound. We just don't know how the miracle continues yet. The grandfather was asking the typical questions, when he was looking for an explanation of his beautiful granddaughter's death. He brought the subject up that we only use 10% of our brains, and he wished he could use more of his percentage, to try to understand what was happening to his family, and to give them an intelligent reason for their pain. He is yearning for the answer to ease his and the broken hearts of everyone of his family. Why would God do this to us? Why would He take such an innocent baby from us? Why would God take the happy point of our lives and make us so feel so abandoned by Him?

God has a plan, and as the Deacon at the service told us, it seems like such an easy excuse to use in a situation like this. This answer just doesn't seem to cut it when you are in such a deep pain. We compare ourselves to God, yet we are so incapable. God has given us just enough civility and brain function to confuse us. Being intelligent humans does not make us God, nor does it make us in control. We are not God, but we certainly act like it. We think we know what is best for us. We think when we're happy, we deserve it, and happiness should last forever. If it doesn't, God is the easy target to blame. It's never anything we have done to deserve sorrow, but it is always God's fault. He pulled His wrath and He laid it upon us. It becomes easier to use God as a scapegoat during these times. We try to use our intellect as reasoning for the Truth of God. If there is no evidence in our human minds, then we reject God. This is where faith and intellect could separate us from Him.

To understand the horrific times in our lives is to realize we are just stupid little monkeys. We do only use a small portion of our brain. We think it is us in control, when we are not. We think we know about the universe and we understand the entire reason for life, but we don't. We have tsunamis, hurricanes, war and horrible things around this planet. The pollutants, the killings, the sin of money and power and the unbalanced weather could not be any of our fault. We blame God. It is easy to do and if enough people say it with conviction, we just may begin to believe it. It's nice to know that us stupid little monkeys are able to blame Him when horrible things happen to us, then He forgives us so easily. We don't know why He allows bad things to happen and events like this, that seem to be so senseless. It is simply because we don't fully understand Him.

God made us stupid little monkeys, in hopes that we could understand Him one day. It may not be until we reach the end of our own lives until we understand His plan. We are not supposed to though. It puts us on the same plane as Him. We are to experience life, which includes death and heartbreak. We cling to each other now, and appreciate each person around us during this time. But aren't we supposed to always do this for every moment in our lives?

If we could go back to the pregnancy, and still give thanks, and remember the miracle He gave to us. If we could just remember, we were so fortunate to have ever had this baby girl, even for one moment. If we could just go on, without the need for reason or answers, it would be so much easier to comprehend and go on with our lives. The devastating emotions are so hard for the young parents, family and friends to bare. To think we may all always be stupid little monkeys, constantly searching for the answer for the rest of our lives. Of course, we know what is best for us, and how the universe should be. If we think this world should never have been without her, no matter what God thinks or does, it puts us in the position of the Supreme Truth. Personally, I don't want that responsibility. I still believe in life and I must continue to respect that life is given and taken by God.

As time eases our pain, we will be looking around the corner for the small fleeting moment of happiness we once knew when she was here. We will go on, knowing the happiness does exists and we could possibly have it again. It will not be the same, but the joy will come again, in God's time.

Come They Told Me - Pa Rum Pa Pa Pum

The amazing week has begun. Throughout the world, many look for the miracle this week. Sometimes, they are right in front of you. There are times when events take place that no one can explain. This weekend, I had an experience which was much more than a coincidence, but a true task given to me.

Last Thursday, I had left a message with my cell phone number with a lady living about an hour away. I know her from on line and have never met her before. We both met, in person, at a Starbucks coffee shop just in between both of our homes, this past Saturday afternoon. We stood outside in the drizzle, making small talk. I liked this lady, and could see something in her eyes. She seemed in need of a little companionship. I asked if I could buy her a cup of coffee, and her eyes lit up. Another caffeine addict! I liked her even more then. The only other chore on my long list of things to do, was to stop by the grocery store. Everything else was pretty quiet at home and I felt I had some time to spare.

This being the Saturday before Christmas in a busy shopping area, the coffee house was filled and there was a long line. We continued our small chat about Christmas, her cat rescue endeavors and her sickly father. I saw the scar on her neck and asked. Yes, she was a thyroid cancer survivor. When I showed her mine, her eyes welled up, and after a big gulp, she fought back her tears.

I was off my normal path, in an area I do not normally wander. I was with a stranger, met under very unusual circumstances. After four telephone calls and messages, we had finally met and I could not explain to anyone why I was pushed to go to her. I had an unknowing connection to this woman I have known for all of five minutes. Her expression told me instantly why God had guided me to her.

We got our cappuccinos and found a table in the back. He voice was soft and quiet, and her brown eyes looked back at me in amazement. We spoke, and we shared our stories. She also told me of a few other health issues she is having. She is not quite at two years of her diagnosis, and she was scared. Like me, she quit a job she was very successful in, because of extreme burn out. I told her I knew of quite a few survivors who did this, because of the ultimate side effects of no longer having a thyroid. She did not understand, at first. I explained for me it was the aches, tiredness and unexplained lack of initiative, until I learned to have my body regulated by doctors and the meds. Getting the right dose is imperative for continuing your life, but it could take awhile at the beginning to adjust to the correct dose. My life couldn't wait during this time of bouncing back, and the business world continued to spin at its normal rapid speed. I gave it up to get the rest my body desperately needed, and to take care of my health.

I reassured her on so many confusing questions she had about symptoms. I directed her to ThyCa, the only web site that would surely help her. She was going to skip her two year check in February because of lack of insurance. She did not want to go through the RAI treatment again. She really didn't fully understand the procedure and didn't feel like going through it all. She told me she was glad she wasn't alone and there are other people out there surviving and continuing normal lives. (NOTE: Apparently, I AM "normal" to certain people.) Before leaving, she said I convinced her to make the appointment to be checked. After three long hours of talking and laughing together, we exchanged personal numbers and email addresses, promising to keep each other apprised on our treatments.

I remembered when my diagnosis came down, and how a friend's sister in Seattle helped me via email and a lengthy telephone call. I recall the calming effect she had on my worries of surgery, RAI treatments, hospitals and cancer. Knowing I wasn't the only one in the world with the same fears, she gave me the confidence to begin the fight and take care of myself. At that time, she was a five year survivor and her story gave me hope for my own future. One day, I hope to thank her in person.

Tomorrow, I will make my appointment at the hospital's cancer center for another treatment. With the promise of a two year reprieve, I can not wait to get this one over with. My treatments were delayed for four years because of doctors not having current information on the disease. When I educated myself of what I needed to do, I looked for better health care, not really knowing I was going to end up with the best doctors in Atlanta. The two week diet for the treatment begins the day after Christmas, and we both laughed when I promised my new friend I would eat anything and everything on Christmas. She has also promised to check on me in January, when I begin the treatment. : )

After the meeting, I began to think how God has guided me. I still can not believe this happened. Originally, I did not want to go, in the rain, in a shopping area congested with Christmas shoppers, on a Saturday afternoon, for the first reason of something that seemed so insignificant. However, once in my car, it wasn't forced in my heart or my mind. I gladly went, thinking I was just going to meet another nice person along the way in my life. I blasted the iPod loudly, on the way, and didn't mind the hurried people and traffic. I recall being excited about a frothy triple shot cappuccino. I loved going somewhere without having the panic about Christmas and the list of things left to do. God gave me peace and calm, and the Spirit to share my story, and listen to another's worries.

Just like Christmas, sometimes we are on the giving end, and sometimes on the receiving end. I would like to keep my mind opened to be gracious for either one. We are not alone in this world, going through the same challenges and issues, but God is with us too, guiding us. With everything rolling around in my head lately, I'm glad He got through to me. I would love to think I was quiet enough to hear God speaking to me. The people who know me personally know He was probably yelling and screaming loudly through my noise, just to get my attention. (hee hee)

Believe what you want, but tonight at Mass, I had a peacefulness that wrapped me tight. I heard, felt and experienced Him this weekend, and now I'm on the lookout for more. I am here and I am ready for anything right now, and more willing to listen for the next quiet little goad.

This is going to be an amazing week!

Getting Into The Christmas Spirit --- sort of . . .

Real friends put me at ease, especially when the conversation is good. Last night, we had the best time at dinner, talking about family, kids, business, and the busy holidays. It's nice when we get together just to be together. There are always some new ideas spurning and churning during a good discussion. Time slipped away quickly, we ate dinner, then were off to a concert.

It was a wonderful Christmas concert, with a baroque style of music and singing. We sat up high in the balcony and could see straight down to the altar of the church. The choir walked in and sang the first carol with the audience. When they got to the final piece, it had a perfect ending, with trumpets blaring and the voices belting out the last note! It was so beautiful, and the songs they sang set us all in the Christmas spirit. Even the kids were mesmerized. It was amazing and we were all so proud to see one of our friends on stage. She was eloquent, as always, and graciously accepted our compliments in the lobby afterwards. Until last year, not many of her friends knew she could sing, much less in an award winning choir like this one. We were in awe last night, and this feeling is sure to stay with us for awhile.

Different desires take us in different directions. Life has more meaning when we can take a passion to the ultimate level, have accomplishments along the way, and share them with our friends. At times, it's difficult to share with our friends, even our close ones. There is not a person that knows everything about you. There are sometimes secret dreams and goals that go beyond the friendship. Unless we are willing to open ourselves up, or find the time to be together, a lot of life seems to slip through the cracks.

At dinner, we learned so much more about the people at the table, though we've known them for all for quite awhile. The conversation even had the attention of the four children at the table. It's as if the time was used wisely last night, asking the questions that none of us ever thought to ask when we first met. The talking led to smiles, then to laughter. Promises were made to clear the schedule more often.

My promise to myself is to make sure this happens. It seems life is getting shorter and I want to be sure these fine people are a part of my life. This is the enrichment I long for in friendships - what we had last night. There needs to be time to sit with the people you love and talk and share life. There needs to be this kind of conversation, instead of assuming you know them. If my life is changing, theirs must be changing too, as we found out yesterday. We learned a lot about each other.

What did I learn? I have to find out more on Vic Firth and his amazing pepper grinders. I promised to make extra homemade cannolis this Christmas, for one of our friend's father. I shared my favorite bakery location. There was going to be a Christmas get together for a certain group of people, but time got too short for the planner. She and I may do it in January or February. High school, for the two young girls there, is the same as it was when I was in high school, except you don't tell them this One looks exactly like her mother, but you don't let onto that either. We know of a newer Italian restaurant who makes incredible risotto. We think our friend wears a "lucky" necklace every time she performs, but haven't asked her yet. ; )

Now, finally, I'm in the Christmas spirit. Though I still hate my new tree with all the new ornaments, and am not looking forward to the crowds, I think I'll venture out tomorrow at lunchtime to do a little shopping. I guess I've put it off for too long.

Gaudete, Gaudete! Christus et natus!

The Story of A Dog Named Henry Aaron

Hank is The Boy's dog. He and his girl were at his house, and I was over there fixing something and visiting one day. We went to lunch, and The Boy announced he wanted a dog. He had been wanting one for awhile, and was telling us how ready he was to have a dog now.

By the time we got to the Humane Society, they were closing their doors for the day. We stopped and bought a newspaper to look at the pet ads. In the parking lot, with each of us scanning the sections carefully, there was one that stood out. A two to three year old terrier mix mutt was at an animal hospital in the area. They were opened for another two hours, and we had time to go by and take a look at the dog.

The three of us waited patiently in the small room. The door opened and a very talkative young lady came in. She told us the story of this dog being abandoned because the owners were arrested for having a meth lab in their home. When the junkies were released from jail on bond, they realized they could no longer have the dog, so they asked the vet to take him. She also told us the details of the previous owners, with their gray skin and sunken eyes from the drugs.

This dog had been tied up outside, all of his short life. He was missing his two front top as well as his two front bottom teeth, from either trying to eat rocks to keep from not being fed or trying to chew himself free. He had mange and heart worms. He had not been fed and was so thin, his ribs and organs showed through the skin on his body. The collar had scarred his neck from the constant pulling. Because of malnutrition, he had lost all of his hair. When we met him, the vet had had him about three months, and he was regaining his health. The vet neutered the dog and nursed him back. By the time we all met, he had gained some weight, and was stable. All of these things tugged at The Boy's heart.

When I first saw him, I had peaked out the door, as The Boy and his girl sat waiting. The aide was walking him down the hall towards our little room. My first thought was "What a scruffy mutt! He's perfect for The Boy!" And he was. All of us immediately fell in love with him. He immediately jumped on her lap and licked her face, then did the same when he met The Boy. The Boy thought the name "Cody" was not suitable for him. He renamed him Henry Aaron. Yup, after his all time favorite baseball hero. He calls him Hank, and his name fits him well. He's the underdog that came out on top in the end.

They left for Florida today, to celebrate graduating college together, and asked me to take Hank and watch him for a week. He knew I wouldn't turn him down. I like dog sitting, especially with nice dogs. With the old girl dog upstairs, I made the basement office comfortable for Hank. This dog is amazing and has a very sweet disposition. He is the most lovable dog I think I've ever met. With everything humans have done to this poor creature, he has the best attitude in the world and loves everyone he comes in contact with. He just wants to be petted and loved. That's all he every really wanted - all along.

Hank and I took a mile walk today, just after the rain stopped. He was well behaved and listened to my commands. When a car came, I'd take in the leash and hold onto him, while the car passed. A smile and wave to the driver for being cautious and we continued walking. He was relaxed when the neighbor's golden retriever began to growl and bark. He kept walking, because I kept walking. He trusts me completely.

It seemed like an easier lesson for Hank to learn than it was for me. Recently, I've just let my heart forgive horrible events from my childhood. Reconciliation was even more difficult for me, but after many years, I think I've finally gotten there. With his loving ways, Hank is showing me my thoughts are in the right place now. It just takes enough love in your life to get there. It doesn't matter what happened in the past, and, just like Hank, the present is where I need to live.

Peace

Peace
Current mood: warm

We really don't know what each other is currently going through, at any time in our lives. There are masks, schedules, and avoidance, which keep us from communicating with each other.

RT and I had a wonderful and fun time last night, both of us ducking away from the immense overflow of work we've had. Chaning the topic of our normal discussions, with different people in a different place was needed with both us. He is on a plane right now, on a necessary business trip. He doesn't really have time for it, but had to squeeze it in. Other than last night, we have both been working, almost nonstop.

I have my papers, strewn all over the table, ready to tackle the work at hand. I am trying to get everything cleared up today, so I can have tomorrow be a quiet day. It seems a bit inconsiderate, stealing a day out of our busy lives. With RT working so hard and being so far away, it is actually a good day to be self indulgent. There are three reasons for my selfishness with a day off of peace, and escaping for an entire day.

The first reason is the holy day. I've promised myself an evening of prayer and self reflection. To give up myself, spiritually, in order to be accepting to the life that was planned for me. Even for a few hours, a little peace may help me rejuvenate my being, my motivations, my center. Especially during this busy time, and with Christmas around the corner, I need to take a breath.

The second reason is a doctor's appointment. Planning for another difficult January, I will listen intently to my doctor. I have much respect for him and his careful ways. I will do what he recommends, and be on the special diet for two to three weeks, without complaining. When the week of the outpatient procedures begin, I will be fine with the drives, the waiting, the nurses, the shots. I get nervous on the third day when taking the "poison". I don't like my thoughts when it is handed to me to digest, and it being in me for two days, while I isolate myself from everyone. The worries and concerns of next month can not penetrate me. Tomorrow, I will rely on the deep breaths and the peace I bring to my mind and body. Nothing else will matter, but being calm.

The third reason is a personal goal for the end of this year, a promise I've made to myself. With an emotional breakthrough last month with the revolution that forgiveness is very different from reconciliation. I am finally able to finish writing the book, and have been working diligently to complete it. With all I've learned, and in my insomniac driven hours in the night, a finality and acceptance has washed over me. There are many past things I am able to put to rest, at last, but I need the peace of tomorrow to go forward. Though some would argue with me, the new found reconciliation has finally come, and I need prayer and the formal Reconciliation to peacefully set it down.

On Monday, all work and deeds for others will be put on hold. I've promised myself a day of reflection I have been thirsting for so long.

(P.S. Thanks, Sharon. Your take on things has given me more than you know. love you.)

I just had to post this

Here is the story brought back to us by the doctor (now my GP):

"On our recent Medical Mission trip to Hinche, Haiti we had the privilege to meet Mme Accilien Jacqueline and her twelve children, ranging in age from three to eighteen. This is a family at the very edge of disaster, living in extreme poverty, who need our help in many ways.

By way of background, Mme Jacqueline is a 38 year old woman struggling to raise these twelve children on her own. Her husband passed away about 2 ½ years ago of tuberculosis and she has been doing the best she can to raise her children by reselling goods at the local market in Hinche. But soon, the situation became overwhelming and unmanageable for this single mom with no support network of friends or family nearby. Before long, there was not enough money to feed her kids and certainly nothing available to send them to school. Currently, only two of her twelve children are in school and on many days they do not know where their next meal will come from. The family eats once a day, if at all. There "home" is a ten by ten square room that is rented. The room contains only one bed that is shared, and a small table and chair. Mme Jacqueline and 6 of her kids sleep on the bed, the other 6 sleep underneath on the dirt floor. When one of the children gets sick, they all get sick due to these very tight living arrangements."

There are more details of the living conditions of this family. We were approached to "adopt" one of the children to be "Godparents". We are to help this child and family financially and spiritually, and anything given to the family would go to them 100%. RT and I adopted Lucson, the 5 year old boy.

The good news is I received an update on them today. Each set of Godparents sent school supplies and Jim delivered them in person to each child. Together, the Godparents were able to send each of the 12 children back to school, with uniforms, supplies, food in their bellies and help their loving mother with not quite as many worries.

They are some photos of their home, with 13 people living in two rooms. They now have two beds for the family, where they used to have one. The clothing line is strung across the top of the wall with all their clothes on it to keep the dust off. (You can tell their clothes are donated from Americans, as sometimes there is a silly ass saying on their shirts.) There is a small toilet out back and a tiny garden, no more than 2-3 square feet.

I wanna go back so badly. My goal is to get my immune system back, after my January stint. I really need to go back . . .

Lucson receiving our school supplies.: )

RESPONSE TO WHAT YOU WROTE ON YOUR WEB SITE

NOTE TO MY FRIEND -

I had to read what you wrote a couple of times to really understand what you were saying. I hope I got it right.

For me, I just need to repeat the noise so I can hear it myself, from my mouth to my ears. It makes things clearer and I can see where I stand. It helps me point to the truth of my feelings too. When I repeat and hear my own words, it seems to line everything up, and I know further where I want to be.

Ah, and you're right. When we're quiet, we can sometimes hear more. However, until I straighten it out in my heart, I am too restless to take the time to search for the quiet. All I hear are the noises of jumbled distractions I've not settled yet.

Journaling helps to give me my emotional to do list, where I can add my hopes, and also note when I've been hurt. It helps remind me of the smiles I have had or have seen in others. It also reminds me not to repeat certain mistakes.

When putting it in writing, it creates a history of yourself. However, you have to accept the changes you've been through. When I read my journal entries made from 10 or 20 years ago, or even a few months ago, of course I've changed. My mind, my feelings, or the way I look at some things may be totally different from now. I give myself the allowance and forgiveness to change because of past experiences, or just from growing older. Fortunately, I have realized I am human.

I recognize the similarities, and yes, it is flattering. Thanks!

: )

CH CH CH CHANGES

2008 is near the end, and it has been memorable. Now I feel as though 2008 was like climbing to the top of a hill - my hill. Looking down from the top, everything has a different perspective. For many difficult and simple reasons, I have learned so much about myself this year. Witnessing certain events, and being part of various decisions, has taught me how deep I can go into myself for resolution and change. On some issues, I've simply hid things away until there was more time to think about them. Decisions create changes and changes are unavoidable.

The Baby says she hates change, but I watch her now as she finally settles into her new house in the hippie section of town, turning it into a warm and comfortable home. One of her good friends will move in with her later this month. They will enjoy each other's company, and go deeper into their best friend world. From the beginning of the year to now, Baby has made the most changes in her life. Watching my child make a mistake in her life was extremely difficult. Helping her come up with the ideal solution, or giving the perfect advice was so incredibly hard. Mostly because, for many months, I was not sure if she would heed to anything - nor did I trust her. She listens more carefully now. Honestly, I am still not sure where/why/who/how the magical instructions came out of my mouth and into her ears, then sunk into her heart. As I look back now, I imagine I read them from the nonexistent parent manual I never received.

With Bob Dylan and Carl Sandburg as her heroes, and her diligent work on her philosophy degree, she has discerned the importance of her personal ripple effect by her words and actions, with the people around her. I have never met someone on the path of selfishness, turn around with such a surge of positive energy and optimism for the world and people, in such a very short time. As I reflect, she must have been looking for the change for quite awhile. The finality of it all comes to a conclusion next week, with a few more minor changes in store. By coincidence, the same day The Boy completes his college education. Change upon change upon change.

The Boy was over yesterday evening, taking the time to climb up to my part of the hill. When he called earlier in the afternoon, he sounded uneasy and restless. In one week, he and his girl are graduating college. He was nervous about the next few months of his life, and all of the changes coming their way. To top it off, he also had a Christmas tree in his living room, a gift left from a loving friend. He came home to us, and I cooked and fed him dinner. We talked and dissected everything, and decided it would be best for them to just get through the following week. After that, we would all talk again about everything else. Taking advantage of his new comfort in his mama's nest, he easily agreed with this simple point. Then we rummaged through some old decorations from his childhood Christmases, and I gladly gave The Boy everything he wanted for his bare ass tree.

Jess and Steve got married this year, so I've watched their lives change completely too. Neither thought too many things would change. When they returned home, the new wife and new husband positions kicked in immediately. Somehow, someway, their relationship became more important to them. Old married people laugh about it, but to newlyweds, it's definitely a serious change. I know discussions have taken place on having babies, holiday travel, home repairs, moving, finances and, of course, in-laws on both sides. The changes keep coming, and maybe they, too, will read the imaginary marriage manual that none of us ever received.

Whether good or bad decisions are made, change is inevitable for everyone. What matters is not change itself, and it is useless we should worry, or be wary of changes. Most importantly is where the heart is after the change. Is the person ready for the change? Has the person's heart adapted to the change? Can the person live peacefully with the result? If there are regrets of their decision, is it possible for their heart to be at ease? I reminisce now of my personal decisions and thoughts throughout this year, and it give me shivers down my spine. This year, I've seem to have traveled by the seat of my pants, at every turn up this steep fucking hill, wondering if I've taken the right path.

Indeed, with my perch on top of the hill, everything has a new perspective. Though they all had incredible changes, looking below on the kids' lives, they now seem to be getting further from my reach. The mother hen sees all her chickies in their coops, and other loving people are now in their lives, as it should be. Watching these amazing people go through life has kept my time and heart completely occupied this year. It has been an incredible journey, and all have kept me happier than I've ever been. But my head is getting back into the clouds of my changes and decisions from this year. I've not given time to think if my heart is at ease or if I've made the right decisions.

Looking at the final results, there are no complaints. Wonderful adult children making genuine decisions, the addition of a new son-in-law, business with a rapid growth spurt, and They Boy's graduation are all wonderful things from this past year. With the bittersweet memories of 2008, everything seems to have had a soft landing. From my higher view on my hill, I think I'll stay here for awhile. It's a little closer to Heaven and finally, quiet enough to hear my own heart beating.

"I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same
And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They're quite aware of what they're going through"

--David Bowie

ANGRY PEOPLE MAKE ME NERVOUS

Angry people make more angry people. How we act and the words we choose can turn a bad situation into nasty, very easily. Of course, I get angry, but to put it in check quickly is the main reason I don't react on anger. To diffuse anger is not an easy task, and, for some, it is frightening to see it fester within them. I've ranted on my blog before, based on anger towards someone or something. It is sometimes a source of release for me, but I have also learned to forgive and try to make the best of bad situations. There seems to always be something to learn when things do not go the way I have planned. Anger is an emotion we are all entitled to, except when the anger turns to aggression and more intense anger, or borders on evil. I will then leave and ignore, whether online or in person.

Since the election, there has been bashing to the newly elected. My candidate did not win, but to have enough respect for the U.S. Presidential Office will reflect my behavior and attitude. I'm sure I will not agree with everything the new President offers Americans, however, I will have enough human respect to listen to what he is saying and how he projects his ideas.

There are people, especially online, who are so angry about the election results, they seem a bit crazy. First, the color of his skin, nor his affiliation with anyone, was not why I did not vote for him. The main reason, for me, were human life issues. Our last three presidents did not fully support all the life issues, nor did my candidate this time. I know the new President does not represent all of my views, however, I'm willing to give it a go. I have no other choice anyway, other than to rant or argue about it. Though the First Amendment allows these particular people's anger to flow, it also preserves my right to write about their anger as well. I have had enough of the slurs, racial tension, especially about his wife and children. I do not want to hear it for the next four years, nor will I be a part of this flow.

Life is full of mistakes, illness, ignorance, death and other surprises. They knock us on our ass, physically, emotionally and spiritually. It is up to us and our loved ones to give us a hand or shoulder to cry on, and lift ourselves back up. Life goes on, even with the death of a loved one. We are expected back to join the world again, after licking our wounds. There is no just reason for anger in any of these issues.

My father passed away at Christmas time in 1992. Though he was sick for a long time, a "mistake" in surgery left him to lie for six months of additional suffering. He then quietly passed away, when his body could not fight any longer. Easily, I could have turned to anger but the same "mistake" was in an effort to save and prolong his life. I still, and will always wish for him to be back with us physically, but I am sure he is fine and at peace now. He would not want me to be a part of any anger or bitterness.

When diagnosed with cancer, our priest wanted me to connect with a couple of other people of the parish, who had the same type of cancer. With his great insight, I called one of them. She interrogated me on what I thought caused it. Did I grow up on a polluted river or other water source? Did I have unnecessary exposure to radiation as a child? Did I take any type of pharmaceuticals that are now off the market? Hell, I was in tears, after hearing my diagnosis, and did not want to go to this dark side of the issue. I wanted desperately to know what questions to ask the doctor, surgeon, endocrinologist. I wanted to know what to expect with the radioactive iodine treatments. I wanted to know if my body would recover, and how to explain it to my children. I wanted to know what type of fight I was heading for. I wanted to know about surviving, not pointing the finger of blame. Certainly, this intense anger and resentment would have directed my health into the opposite direction. Graciously thanking her for her input, I hung up and never called back. I spoke to another patient, a sister of a friend, and she steered me in a better direction, answered some of my questions and laid to rest most of the "what ifs" in my mind. Finding intelligent doctors and educating myself was essential to me. Being angry would have deferred my own treatment and current health.

Simple mistakes and impatience for others often spark of anger. This can't be good for us physically, or for our society, sometimes escalating to incidents of violence. American's diets are full of fast food, Federal Express and traffic that have us all in a such a hurry. Nothing is slow and simple any more. So it didn't have the outcome you wanted it to have. Maybe you know you are right and you never make mistakes (ha!). So what! No one has ever made you any promises that the right would have it all. These people appear to be so self centered, and they demand to get everything they think are entitled to, at anyone's cost! Anger is the opposite direction of right.

We all need to find our own personal way to get over it more quickly. Realizing we've all made mistakes, we all have problems, we all are in each other's life for a reason, may be ways to not let petty annoyances climb to the anger stage. Relax. Play music. Exercise. Journal. Whatever it takes so this anger doesn't elevate to evil towards one another. Find some way, because life is too short for this type of extreme behavior.
Cardinal Newman said that it is naive to think peace will be the "automatic product of any educational curriculum or the aftermath of a peace treaty". Acceptance, forgiveness and peace belong in our daily actions, to everyone we encounter. It's a shame love and compassion does not have this same intensity.