GOSSIPS, CHATTERBOXES AND BULL SHIT

I am now finding myself in quite a different place as I was five years ago. So much has happened and our family continues to grow. I see drama everywhere! The media has gotten so out of hand, I can barely listen to the news for more than a few minutes without changing the channel and watching anything, including reruns of Law & Order. At least I know there will be a final scene and outcome. I can not change the media, but I can surely change the channel. Luckily, there is very little drama in our family, including three grown kids with lives of their own. I am happy they all live close now, and love each other enough to go over to each other's homes and get together - with or without me. With all of these considered, it just leaves me with the drama in the middle of my life. It surrounds me, though it bothers me less as I age. Thank God there is a good reason for getting older. I have learned I can not care about what people are saying, unless it's my family or my customers. I pay attention to those questions and most of their suggestions. I have also learned my plate is so full right now, I can't possibly stray away to far from it, as it makes my life too convoluted. I need to steer clear of some of this chatter, or I can not focus enough on what I have to do. It would keep me too distracted and plans and goals can't be achieved. What if the gossip or chatter is about me? I still can't deal with it. It's too difficult to change people's minds about certain things. To make them happy would be for me to make changes in me or what I am doing, so I could become more like them. My upbringing, my current family status and work is an ever changing phenomena, and changing to appease someone else seems like a total waste of time. Gossip mongers do not consider what my life is like, nor do they care. I can only assume these chatterboxes are needing something else in their lives, since my full plate looks so appealing to them. Make your life fulfilling. Try not to worry what everyone else is saying. If you have convictions or responsibilities you take seriously, stand up for them. No one knows you better than you.

COMPETITION

The definition of competition is different for everyone. I think it spurns ugly emotions and horrible attitudes, when it is taken too seriously.

When it is put on a personal level, it can cause bitterness and jealousy. In this way, competing doesn't matter in my life. I absolutely could care less what kind of house or car others may own. I could care less what achievements or talents other people have. I am sure I am perfectly content with where I live, what car I drive and everything else on the personal side. If I choose to change or improve myself, it's only between me and me and me.

Competition during a game is supposed to be "healthy", but this is only true if we know how to lose politely. We all win and we all lose, however, it's our attitude after the match which makes it healthy or unhealthy. Again, this isn't worth the bitterness of the loss. We can only learn and try harder to succeed or win the next time.

In the game of life, competition seems to be rampant. People watch DIY and the home channels, wanting the best and biggest home, revamping or redecorating with high end features. Home prices are even based on how much stuff you have in the house. Though the house next door is for sale for $1.6 million does not mean I want that house. I am content where I live.

There are expensive clothes and accessories to purchase and wear, and I have been known to splurge on a few myself. Though I have a couple of these fashionable, yet nonessential items, does not mean I am competing with every other woman walking down the street. The list continues with expensive pets, colleges for kids, electronics, furniture, toys, vacations, etc. I think it would be amazing for society to have a competition on volunteering or giving time to charitable causes. Let's see how awesome everyone can be and let the "better" person be the one who shows kindness or who cares about other people in the world, instead of materialistic competition with family, friends or neighbors.

Some think competition is needed in the business world. I agree with this to a certain point. It keeps people honest. Without competition, there is no one else bidding or vying for the same business, and being the only company, you could name your price. However, it's still unfortunate that we need it to keep people honest, as we should be honest at all times in our transactions. I've seen first hand how competition in business has been put directly on a personal level. It's unnecessary and like any other wasted emotion, we should try to walk in the other direction.

We can't help when some people talk bad, show their worse side or let their jealousies show. Learning to identify it can make it much easier to turn the other cheek. Competition is something we have to live with, not an excuse for bad behavior or turning on another human.

The way I look at competition is there is more than one company offering the same goods and/or services. If you're honest, offer a good product for a fair price, you can usually beat out the competition. It would be extremely difficult if everyone had this same idea of honesty. Choosing one good company over another entails a closer look at other details for them to consider, like location, relationships and experience. The more your competition is incompetent, and the more true your work is, the easier it is to be awarded the work over any competitor.

It's far easier and a happier life is led when you pay attention to what is in your own hands and your own responsibilities, rather than looking across at what other people may have.

THE DEFENSE RESTS.

I am usually a very patient person. I have recently grown tired of defending myself. It's a terrible habit from a totally unbalanced childhood, but still find myself having to explain why I feel, how I react or when I speak of certain issues. In the past ten years, I've tried hard to keep the defense mechanism in check, but at times, some people just keep pushing for a reaction from me.

First, being a conservative Christian is not an affliction. It's my choice. I don't plan on changing my views, so it's no use explaining to me how wrong I am on my conservatism or Chrisianity issues. My ideals have been burned into me, not as a scar, but as a chosen way of life, which I depend on to make good and moral decisions in my journey through life. I take these values into the business world, as well as incorporating them into my personal life. I have walked away from particular people in my life, but not because they didn't agree with me. My circle is tightly closed because I tend to steer away from drama, anger and evil.

Second, just because I am a conservative does not mean I do not have compassion for the homeless, the environment or the economy. It does not automatically make me an unfeeling and cold hearted person of the world around me. I belong and live on this planet too, and have bore children, who will bear children, and would like my family to carry on in a beautiful world after I am gone. Hand in hand with my Christian faith, I have promised a tithe percentage to go to charity and help others here where I live and across the world. I also promise to hear of others' plights and be compassionate with my fellow humans and their strides. I help when I can, or when I'm allowed, and pray for them constantly.

Though I care of the endangered species list, whales being unnecessarily hunted, the oil crisis and the rain forests diminishing, we must find a way to balance everything. There are also people starving and dying from treatable diseases. If I support one or two causes, why am I wrong because I don't support the cause being pushed in my face?

Third, because I had to grow up with very little help in a tough situation explains my next point. I've had to figure most things out on my own, while others had loving homes with exceptional opportunities at hand. Because something doesn't go right, because you may have to work a little harder to achieve your accomplishments, a fact of life. It's not an exception to the rule for me. You always have to work hard to reach goals. Your not extraordinary, just normal. I am not luckier than others, but simply work a little harder and, therefore, things work out more often.

Next, please do not tell me how intelligent or gifted you are, at the same time telling me I'm stupid. On the contrary, some need to state it because they don't yet believe in themselves. Also, by telling me I'm not so smart only makes the distance greater between us.

Finally, if you want to know me, ask. Conversation about my ideals comes only from me; not others. Those people can only truly tell you about themselves; not about me. I've heard second hand gossip about myself or my family that just isn't true. If you're going to believe it, why should I take the time to straighten you out with the truth?

The defense rests.

Luck You !

When things go well, some call it luck - especially younger or lazier people. Some call it being in the right place at the right time, which I think is still considered luck. Some think someone is smiling down from heaven, or it's the luck of the Irish or a good luck charm. It could be any or all of these things, but I believe in a good solid plan and hard work. Being industrious is what achieves goals. It sort of pisses me off when people just throw around the "luck" word.

It's easy to say it was luck, or fate. I know putting myself in a certain room was the free will and choice of no one but myself. Looking backward usually always puts things in proper perspective. In hindsight, if I would have postponed or canceled the doctor's appointment on the day he found my cancer, I would have had to hold onto some of the blame. I think everything is based on our free will, our choice to choose in any situation. With our freedoms comes responsibility to our own lives.

Here is one of my favorite stories I used to tell to a classroom full of eighth graders, while being a volunteer religious education teacher. I would begin by asking them if they could pray for an "A" on their next test in school. Some said yes; some of them said no. I told them they could, as long as they studied for the test and knew the material. They were, of course, disgruntled with my answer. I believe God watches over people who consistently do the right thing, so praying for the "A" would be alright, if you studied.

My example for this was an old man who would come into our Church and pray every week, "Please, God. I am on my knees begging - let me win the lottery. It's the only thing I want and the only thing I need." Each and every week, the old man was back at Church and on his knees with his prayer to God. After several months, God got impatient with the old man. One day, the roof opened up and a lightning bolt hit his pew. God answered the old man. "First, you gotta buy a ticket!!!"

We can ask and beg for others to help stop pollution, but first we should be recycling and being cost efficient in our own homes. We can ask our friends to help feed the poor, but only after our tithe is in the till. We can pray for many different horrific things to be different in this world, in our lives, but first we should take every action to back it up. If we don't take the initial step for the many things we want in this life, we are being hypocritical.

The best way to share a cause with me is to let me know how much you're in it for. What have you done to work toward the goal? I have a dear friend, for reasons I will not ask her about, who supports the MS Society. She believes in it with her whole heart. Her annual email asks for a contribution and I always give to it. To collect it, she rides 60+ miles on her bicycle to collect my donation. She believes in her cause enough to push her body to the limit. Being the same age, I know how hard she works to complete this race for her cause.

There are quite a few celebrities who support causes. Some are for good reasons and other are not. I don't bother with most of them, but a few I contribute to because they have put their money or talents where their mouth is. They support their charities enough to give of themselves or some of their proceeds go to their charity. It is much more believable when they "buy the ticket".

I am knee deep in the cause for the Haitian people. I will probably remain in support of them, down to my last dollar and prayer. The Medical Mission people are returning this evening, and I have thought about them all week. We have received short updates throughout the week, but only a minute of the events are retold. The few small tidbits of news we heard were terrible and some were hopeless. I know these people come back scarred with grace. They leave a chunk of them in Haiti, as I did, and there is no retrieving it or being the same person when you return. You are forever changed and because of these volunteers' actions, they are better people - more humbled and wanting to do more. Whatever they ask me for, I do everything I can to help them.

So call it luck, if you want. Call it opportunity. Call it anything you want to call it. But the ripple begins with one small stone. Success, world peace, a clean earth, and everything else in your heart can be hoped for in prayer. The first action toward the goals must begin with our action, even if it is a tiny step toward what we want to see happen. If we're not making life changes towards our prayer, the prayer alone will probably not work. We have to buy the ticket first.

Filtering

The internet is fairly easy to use. Because our intelligence has caught up with technology, we have the easiest access to information than we ever had before. I remember going to the public library for books, music, and newspapers from different cities. With a touch of an application, I have it all in front of me. At any whim, when I'm the least bit bored, we can be reading in any place, at any time, and speak to people on the other side of the world.

I have set virus controls on to alert me when someone may be tampering with my information. Whether the information is personal or not, the information I claim is mine and defines who I am is being seen. It's impossible to block these people. We are the ones who decide to click or not to click on the man from Nigeria with a heartfelt story asking for money. We are the ones who pull up the reputable charity web sites and help Africa with our donations. Some will show you what you want to hear in order to get closer to your bank account. Others are actually helping the people who need our help. The clicks are our decision on who to believe and who is spam. There is no better filter than us.

Some information we gladly share. Unfortunately, most of the time it's our opinion - our judgments - our ideas of who we think other people are. A person writes something, usually the restricted 140 characters on where they are at any given time geographically, emotionally, spiritually or with work. Most may read them then go about their day; some leave comments that are kind and easy to read but, at times, others are more difficult to ignore. We have to make the decision to continue or click away from the "conversation". Again, there is no better filter than us.

The internet seems an easy to get to know a person. We can click on a Facebook profile, or a tweet, and with our ultra busy lives between appointments, family and traveling, we are able to squeeze time for a quick comment . It has created a false sense of security that we are developing a more personal relationship with these people. I still believe that one on one and in the room interaction is the best way to develop a relationship or make an existing one stronger.

There are the listeners out there too, who only read the content and barely have anything else to say back to you. We can not tell if they are listening after we post because we can not see them. After finding a few old friends on the internet, and living far away from them now, I have been able to reconnect with them. Several times, in person, they have mentioned a few things I have said, but have never commented on anything. However, without the personal interaction, I would have never known this.

I think we should treat it as any other media. On television, when we listen to critics of TV and movies thinking they should or shouldn't say certain things, because it can be heard by young ears, the answer is simple. Turn the television off. Do not take your children to the questionable movies. For living in a country with "freedom of speech", there seems to be very little of it in these two mediums. Put it on the internet, and it is a free for all. Anyone can say what they want, at any time of day, about anything. The only filter is ourselves to watch what we type and click it off if we don't like it.

Because one quotes Gandhi or Mother Teresa or scripture doesn't mean they are them, or raising themselves up to that level. They are merely trying to emulate a certain part of their lives for that moment in time, and passing along help to other people. Because it has a hint of religion, it could be taken wrong. There is no sense in getting mean or critical of one of these posts. Just scroll down, and in REAL LIFE, we would simply walk away, or graciously continue with the conversation. Because we can not see the other person's facial reaction or look into their eyes, some people become more brave and critical on internet postings and comments. They fail to remember if we were in a room with this person, their comments would never be heard.

Filters were basically designed to keep some type of pollutants on one side and keep impurities from tainting the other side. It's not hard to figure out.





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Being Truthful

To be clear, my last post was about a rejuvenated relationship in my life. I received a few comments and could not find the romance, nor the lost love, as noticed by a few. After reading my last entry, and knowing the true facts of this relationship, it made me smile.

I should have said that this person was a woman. I could have included a gender somewhere in the writing. Possibly, I could have shared this was my stepsister. It was funny to me how the truth was clouded by a few simple missing words. The love of my stepsisters run deep within me. I guess I should apologize, but it showed me something important about what I read and what I write.

News stories, political speeches and media opinions must all have some type of omissions which keep us from the complete truth. We tend to believe what we want to hear. I don't think we really care to hear the entire truth on any matter. There are as many opinions of the truth as there are readers.

At times, possibly our own experiences help us to hear a certain spin on the stories we read. They could help us to solidify our opinion of certain ideals, based on our lives or our beliefs. They may spin an opposition where we want to refute the story to make the author appear to be blatantly wrong on an issue. Stories can make us feel good or have a positive influence on us and stir up a loving memory of a person, time or place.

Though not all the facts are present, people are still worth being heard. We should try not to put other peoples' feelings aside. It helps us to understand each other better if we allow everyone to have an opinion, or to have a feeling about a story or broadcast. It's only until we begin to listen to each other that we become more tolerant. So much more could be accomplished, and solutions to problems could be made, if we listened more intently to the emotions of others. The real truth has little to do with it.

Apologies aside, I was smiled to think I made others smile. Though the truth wasn't completely in the writing, the conversations that followed were entertaining and pleasant.

Step 1 . . .

I hate the uncertainty of announcing love for another person. It has always been a risk for me. There have been times when I’ve worn my heart on my sleeve to find out if the love is reciprocated. The older I get, the more of a chance I take on getting hurt. My wariness comes from past experiences of being disappointed.

Twenty years ago, a particular person and I had a very close relationship, and there was not a doubt of the love that flowed between us. The last time we saw each other, we cried together at a funeral. Last November, we saw each other again and spent an afternoon together. Unknown to us, we shared a mutual friend who made sure our reconnection meeting took place.

I walked into the small tavern and it was as though no time had passed at all since 1992. The years quickly melted away. We shared smiles and hugs and I must admit, I didn’t want to let go. We didn’t notice the lines around each other’s eyes or the gray, nor did we talk much about what has happened in our lives in the past twenty years. We held hands for the first half hour of the conversation, and we both seemed so excited just to be with each other again.

What I learned was both of us had the same trepidation, both being afraid of what each other thought and how it all ended between us. Looking back, neither of us had the correct chain of events. We were both misinformed by other people, and almost twenty years had been wasted on not really knowing the truth. I hate waste, but especially when it is time. There is never a way to get it back. It is gone forever.

It took a fluke chance of a mutual friend to pull us back into the same room, and now we begin again, vowing to each other never to lose or misplace our relationship again – no matter what happens, where we are or who we become.

The internet has made the grapevine thick. New events have happened this weekend that have made the wariness recur inside of me. Though I’m not exactly sure what to do next, I shouldn’t doubt the love. I will direct my actions with the only the love in mind.

I will take the chance and wear it prominently on my sleeve.