Step 1 . . .

I hate the uncertainty of announcing love for another person. It has always been a risk for me. There have been times when I’ve worn my heart on my sleeve to find out if the love is reciprocated. The older I get, the more of a chance I take on getting hurt. My wariness comes from past experiences of being disappointed.

Twenty years ago, a particular person and I had a very close relationship, and there was not a doubt of the love that flowed between us. The last time we saw each other, we cried together at a funeral. Last November, we saw each other again and spent an afternoon together. Unknown to us, we shared a mutual friend who made sure our reconnection meeting took place.

I walked into the small tavern and it was as though no time had passed at all since 1992. The years quickly melted away. We shared smiles and hugs and I must admit, I didn’t want to let go. We didn’t notice the lines around each other’s eyes or the gray, nor did we talk much about what has happened in our lives in the past twenty years. We held hands for the first half hour of the conversation, and we both seemed so excited just to be with each other again.

What I learned was both of us had the same trepidation, both being afraid of what each other thought and how it all ended between us. Looking back, neither of us had the correct chain of events. We were both misinformed by other people, and almost twenty years had been wasted on not really knowing the truth. I hate waste, but especially when it is time. There is never a way to get it back. It is gone forever.

It took a fluke chance of a mutual friend to pull us back into the same room, and now we begin again, vowing to each other never to lose or misplace our relationship again – no matter what happens, where we are or who we become.

The internet has made the grapevine thick. New events have happened this weekend that have made the wariness recur inside of me. Though I’m not exactly sure what to do next, I shouldn’t doubt the love. I will direct my actions with the only the love in mind.

I will take the chance and wear it prominently on my sleeve.