Peace

Peace
Current mood: warm

We really don't know what each other is currently going through, at any time in our lives. There are masks, schedules, and avoidance, which keep us from communicating with each other.

RT and I had a wonderful and fun time last night, both of us ducking away from the immense overflow of work we've had. Chaning the topic of our normal discussions, with different people in a different place was needed with both us. He is on a plane right now, on a necessary business trip. He doesn't really have time for it, but had to squeeze it in. Other than last night, we have both been working, almost nonstop.

I have my papers, strewn all over the table, ready to tackle the work at hand. I am trying to get everything cleared up today, so I can have tomorrow be a quiet day. It seems a bit inconsiderate, stealing a day out of our busy lives. With RT working so hard and being so far away, it is actually a good day to be self indulgent. There are three reasons for my selfishness with a day off of peace, and escaping for an entire day.

The first reason is the holy day. I've promised myself an evening of prayer and self reflection. To give up myself, spiritually, in order to be accepting to the life that was planned for me. Even for a few hours, a little peace may help me rejuvenate my being, my motivations, my center. Especially during this busy time, and with Christmas around the corner, I need to take a breath.

The second reason is a doctor's appointment. Planning for another difficult January, I will listen intently to my doctor. I have much respect for him and his careful ways. I will do what he recommends, and be on the special diet for two to three weeks, without complaining. When the week of the outpatient procedures begin, I will be fine with the drives, the waiting, the nurses, the shots. I get nervous on the third day when taking the "poison". I don't like my thoughts when it is handed to me to digest, and it being in me for two days, while I isolate myself from everyone. The worries and concerns of next month can not penetrate me. Tomorrow, I will rely on the deep breaths and the peace I bring to my mind and body. Nothing else will matter, but being calm.

The third reason is a personal goal for the end of this year, a promise I've made to myself. With an emotional breakthrough last month with the revolution that forgiveness is very different from reconciliation. I am finally able to finish writing the book, and have been working diligently to complete it. With all I've learned, and in my insomniac driven hours in the night, a finality and acceptance has washed over me. There are many past things I am able to put to rest, at last, but I need the peace of tomorrow to go forward. Though some would argue with me, the new found reconciliation has finally come, and I need prayer and the formal Reconciliation to peacefully set it down.

On Monday, all work and deeds for others will be put on hold. I've promised myself a day of reflection I have been thirsting for so long.

(P.S. Thanks, Sharon. Your take on things has given me more than you know. love you.)