All is peaceful here tonight. I’m at the homestead in Cleveland and playing around on the computer and goofing off at the piano. Even the stack of work I brought with me is down to a few pieces of paper. Beautiful weather keeps my spirits up, and I’m finally able to look at this place as a getaway to create, write or relax. The seasons seem very divided here, in equal parts, much more than in Atlanta, where summertime melds into autumn, long into October. I look forward to the change of the seasons here, because they are so different. Quiet and reflective times are here tonight, but with some dumbass honky tonk playlist from my iPod for my background of white noise. I don’t know what I was thinking while creating this list, but it seems to work right now. (Bela Flek – Sunset Road)
The peacefulness hasn’t come easily, but life has finally seemed to wind down a bit lately. Too many problems, too many crossroads in life, and too many decisions have been made in the past few weeks. Although they do not all belong to me, I’ve come to realize my shoulders must carry baggage of my loved ones as well as my own, at times. As I’ve always said, a good Mum is a good filter. She keeps the shit from rolling in on the family.
The Boy and The Baby will fly up tomorrow, and will spend some time with Big Sister. Not a forced trip, but a promise to be a great little paid vacation for them, while Mummie pushes the adult children together before their lives become too busy. The Baby begins her fourth year at college, The Boy still prays for his dream job since graduating college, and Big Sister trying to start a family with her new husband. It will give us some one on one planning time too, so the rest of the year can be a little easier for everyone. It’s been a long road to combine both families, but I think we’ve all come so far with each other. (Janis Joplin – Get It While You Can)
I can’t even think of the calendar after this week. It’s looking like the game of Boggle, trying to make the words make some sort of sense and put them into the correct order, while being under a time restraint. Everyone is in a hurry lately, and it seems there isn’t enough time in our short lives to get everything accomplished. Mortality strikes me again and sobers me up, and my peace wanes a bit, when I think of upcoming doctor’s appointments and all I need to accomplish this month. Uggghhh. And the earned quiet seems to be a memory of a short dream.
I force myself to get back to the peace, and some days it becomes tiring. Since birth, every four years there was a major struggle in my life. After many years of quietly comparing other peoples’ lives, I realize the ebb and flow of the crap was given more to me than others. I’ve turned 50, and though it could and would depress some women, it’s not divisible by four, so I’m good. With my record, I have two years before the dam breaks again. (Norah Jones – Come Away With Me)
Looking for the peace is easy, if I’m quiet and I concentrate. My only regret is that it’s taken me fifty freaking years to realize a few things. Surrounding myself with genuine people who truly love me has helped. Choosing my battles has been another lesson learned. Writing, reading and music has calmed me. Prayer gives me much needed reflection and accountability. Knowing there are some people I can help in this world, has brought much needed humility back to me. Forgiveness has taught me that judging is not in my job description. (Alison Kraus – Simple Love)
So I continue, on with my search of a peaceful life, wondering if it is possible on Earth. I see so much confusion, retaliation and jealousy, and it’s not on the evening news, but within arms reach. I keep it away from the family and me, as best as I can. Tonight I look at the platter of life in front of me, and not of anyone else. This week, I look forward to the upcoming smiles of these three people who are so important to me. It’s like when they were young, trying to convince them vegetables are delicious, but they want to eat a Twinkie. Mummie is pushing a bit, but they don’t see what I see, but they’re not supposed to yet. This will be good for all of them, but I don’t think they realize it yet. Because of hard work on our part as parents, the financially legacy left will be sound. The legacy of love is what I’d really like to leave them one day. (Nickel Creek – Tomorrow Is A Long Time)
My concerns for next week will wait. I’ve created a devious plan for the week, and there will be fun and beautiful memories made – damn it! I will look for the love and peace for the three of them, and hopefully, point it out to them and convince them it’s there within the three of them, while I watch from the background. What they could have should not be wasted. (Rosie Thomas – Much Farther To Go)
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