THE BABY VISIT - PART ONE

I was with The Baby this afternoon. We learn from each other every time we are together. With only a four hour period of time, mother and daughter are connected again, adding another nice bond to our relationship. I am so grateful for her, and look forward to my next lesson with my young teacher. : )

Today, part of the conversation was me telling her she needs to be more open minded with The Boy. He is very conservative, and dead set in his ways, though only two years older than The Baby, his opinion is like moving a huge boulder at times. As much as she (and most of us) despise stereotypes, I had to categorize our family. Each member was put on her team, and others were put on my team. After hearing the teams a couple of times, and taking a brief look at these loved ones’ lives, she couldn’t figure it out why I divided the people the way I did.

Her team were the independent thinkers of the family. If they call you once a week, that’s plenty. They love to live their lives, controlled only by them, being self reliant and not asking for help. They have fewer members in her bunch, but are the more serious ones in the family. My team were composed of the family oriented people. We need more hugs and want everyone to get along with each other. We need the affirmation that everyone is alright and doing fine. If something is out of place, we are the ones who try to patch things up. We are the sentimental and needy fools, yet we are needed by the independents to show them how to keep balance in their life, and remind them we are all connected. Without the connection, we may as well not exist in each others’ lives.

The Boy is on my team and RT is on The Baby’s team. Among other family members, she does not have an argument between her team and mine. We both agreed whose team each person should be on. She asked why I would think about this, and go this far with this thought process. The answer is simple. I realize how she and RT are so much alike, and it’s up to the mother/wife to diffuse various family situations and make everything right again. The mothers are the ones responsible for the connection, and with the help of the other mothers on my team, we succeed at this. We need to be aware where everyone is in our lives and how to make the reconnection with our roots.

Healthy families and healthy plants are alike. Some roots need to be severed from the main system, in order to not be choked out. Some new sprigs coming out of the ground need to be nurtured and looked after, then tended to, so they have a strong start. And while growing, the mature leaves need to protect the young seedling from the poison and slugs, gently dropping the needed nutrients down to the little ones.

She asked if it bothered me we are on opposite teams. I reminded her we are on different teams - not opposite teams. Because she sees life differently from me doesn’t bother me at all. My love for her is so real, I genuinely want to understand her view of the world. After all, her view began with me pointing things out to her at such a young age. Isn’t it my responsibility to be view her world through her eyes?

I remember when The Boy and The Baby were toddlers together. The Boy (yes, certainly mum’s boy), saw and agreed with everything I was back then and everything I taught him. Unfortunately, the world is not the same as it was over 23 years ago, and I’ve changed my mind about some issues. The Boy is still adamant with his ideals and what he was taught. The Baby, as a toddler, had an incredible sense of color, art and abstract thinking. For the most part, until she was sixteen or so, I showed her the path I was on, because it was the only path I knew. I can only teach someone what was given or inside of me. In some ways, she has chosen other paths, but still took with her the abstract thinking and open mindedness of the world she was about to see and experience. Some of her thinking has gotten her into some trouble, but she is making adjustments in her thinking and behavior to balance herself out again. I admire this about her. I understand both of them and who they have grown to be.

The mother is the parent who notices things no one else in the world would notice about them. It’s very easy to do too. You just stick a box of crayons and paper in front of them. Tell them to draw the same object and study them. After you do this a few times, the differences are amazing. The Boy, being color blind all of his life, didn’t help and consistently showed a huge difference than his sister’s pictures and portraits. The Boy was always precise, wanting everyone to see exactly what he was drawing and why. The Baby was more like Escher. She would wait until you discovered the twenty pictures in one, and would want your explanation on why she drew it that way.

Do I have a favorite? Of course, but it depends what I am doing at the time. If I’m at a baseball game, or talking about faith, love, the future or music - it’s definitely The Boy. If I’m at a museum, or talking about faith, love, the future or music - it’s definitely The Baby. What neither of them realize is they are both so much alike, but individually have a different slant on things.

Faith with The Boy is about the structured Catholicism I have instilled in him. “Mummie wouldn’t lie to me, so I believe.” The Baby takes God and sees so many different things. The beauty of the Earth was His gift to us, His wrath is the same as karma, His love begins with what is inside of each of us. Love with The Boy is structured as well. Meet a nice girl, settle down and have 2.2 babies and a mini van in the drive, in the burbs. The Baby sees love everywhere, and does not pinpoint it so directly. Great music for The Boy is Dave Matthews and any type of classic rock and roll. The Baby is more on the edge with a current mix and struggling young musicians, trying to see everyone’s message in their lyrics.

How lucky am I? I am the receiver of all this great new information and a wonderful new view of the world, while seeing validation of what I have given them is still alive and making sense with each of them. It’s so obvious my favorite is both of them together. They can not be separated in my eyes. I don’t think either would ever believe this.