In Human Form

We went to the courtroom to support a loved one. After many months, and several changes in behavior and attitude on all sides, we realized it was a mistake and could/should be forgiven.

The small Georgia town was quaint and we noticed on the cornerstone the courthouse was built in the late 1800s. It was typical of an old Southern courtroom, with oak wainscoting, dark planked floors, stained glass windows and a balcony above our heads. I could almost envision Addicus Finch in one of his speeches, with Jem and Scout looking over the balcony rail.

The room was divided in sections. The Judge, of course, at his bench, with the court reporter and his staff next to him, close at hand. The attorneys gathered in an area to our right, with the District Attorney’s and the Public Defender’s staff, below the Judge in the center. To our left, the prisoners were in their orange jumpsuits, handcuffed and shackled at the ankles, seated in rows, with the women separated from the men. All of these people were in their respected areas, divided by a small oak carved rail.

Behind all of this were the families and friends of the many defendants in the auditorium area. Although the defendants in the audience were past the prisoner stage of the judicial cycle, the bright orange duds was a sober reminder of the past.

The court wanted the prisoners to go first in their hearings, I assume so they could get them back into their locked jail cells. All others sat in the audience area with their families and waited. The men went first and each of them stood with their attorney or public defender, as the prosecutor read their crime out loud. The women were processed the same way. It looked to be a very humbling experience for them. We broke for a few minutes in the middle of the morning and returned. The prosecutor rattled off from the list of defendants in our group, but did not reach us until after the lunch break.

The audience, lawyers and staff had a mix of men and women, both black and white. The prisoners were in stark contrast to any of the other groups, and it was quite obvious and noticeable. Of the restrained criminals, all of the men were black and all of the women were white. Mind you, this is not a racial comment, but a mere observation of fact.

At the lunch break, the four of us talked at the restaurant of this observation. I wondered if white men and black women were the strong people of our society, and if white women and black men had the lower self esteem in our culture, therefore making more mistakes than the others. Also, if this is true, I am putting myself into this same category of having lower self image of myself than other people in this world. Can this possibly be true, because this kind of sucks.

Over the following week after this court date, my never ending battle began again with self reflection. It was the perfect time of year to start up my instrospection, since the Lenten season was upon me. Forty days of praying, penitence and fasting, mixed in with what I can do to make myself better with God, my neighbor, myself, and the world around me.

Last night, we received our ashes on our forehead, acknowledging we are only here on Earth for a short time, one day to revert back to ashes. Marked as Christians, but marked as sinners. Honestly, for the first time, I prayed for the forgotten and the people needing more confidence in their lives. I prayed for the lost, the ones unsure, the ones that need the leg up in life. I guess it would have been quicker to pray for black men and white women, but I know every human has felt this way in life.

I’ve had many unsettling experiences in my life - some still unsettled. I felt no better on the drive home. This chapter of life had not had the official closing I was hoping for, and it opened up my heart to some pains of other people. I continue to try to step out of my shoes and into other’s, but it spins my mind’s gears around so fast, sometimes I can barely keep up. I wonder if contemplation or prayer is enough. Is understanding what other’s are going through any kind of solution? There are some people who genuinely need help, but I am at a loss on how to get it or give it.

I must revert back to my own plate and take care of what is within my reach. Maybe some understanding of other people’s lives can turn into compassion. Maybe hope and empathy may begin a ripple.

"You never know someone, until you step inside their skin and walk around a little." -- Atticus Finch

I'M FINE, BUT THEY'RE FALLING AROUND ME

Tomorrow, I will help a friend with showing her something, possibly able to help her with a part of her business. Wednesday will be a day spent with family, in a courthouse two hours away. I’ve just written a two page note for this very personal matter, in hopes of helping someone. Thursday, I will check on one of The Baby’s friends, going through the same treatment I went through last month. Friday, I must call on another friend, who went through a piece of life’s horrible krap last December. Topping off the week, the Medical Team is in Haiti throughout the week. Sure - Why the hell not!!!??? May as well suck every emotion out of me over the next five days.

I’m wiped out and haven’t even lived any of these events yet. I’ve not been writing lately, because some of my words have to be put together carefully, to be used throughout the week.

It’s easy to work off the stress, divert myself or get wrapped up in something else. There is plenty of work to be done which doesn’t require such great use of my heart or mind. However, I have found replenishment to be the most difficult during these times. After a workout or treadmill run, it’s easy to drink a bottle of water and catch my breath. This type of replenishment is harder though, like a cantaloupe being prepared. It’s cut in half, and the tough exterior skin is pealed away with the flesh exposed, and the cold metal spoon carving out my guts. It will be a little hard to recapture my routine and normality, when bearing witness to some of these things. I feel the pangs and angst of these people close to me.

I’m slightly envious of older people with dementia. Sometimes I wish I could unknow some of what is in my mind. Childhood bicycle accidents and stinky diapers from years past, would be gone from my mind forever. It would be lovely to think of every challenge, or difficult time in life, could just be erased from my memory, never to be thought of again. Though, how would I have grown or learned so much, without any of them. My father’s death gave me more of an appreciation of him. Posthumously teaching me, kind, gentle and caring actions are life’s best gift given to anyone. Our actions continue to flow long after we’re gone, good or bad.

Last week, I had my annual boycott of the commercialization of Valentine’s Day. (No, RT is not allowed to get me anything.) I believe in the love St. Valentine’s shared so unselfishly. To me, there is no love in a diamond, Hallmark card or a fuzzy stuffed animal, and I refuse to be a puppet to the commercial abuse of this wonderful saint. Besides, isn’t love supposed to be shared 365 days a year???

Invariably, I’ll look for the balance. Not thirsting for the answers, but that I look to find the good in the situations we will live through together this week. I’ll try to recognize something positive no one else in the circle is seeing. I’ll look for some divine guidance for the wisdom of words, a sincere heart and a little healing.

I should be a huge pile of mush by Saturday morning.

"Make me a channel of Your peace." -- St. Francis of Assisi

www.betterhealthforhaiti.com

www.betterhealthforhaiti.com


This is a web site of our friend, Mark Coughlin. One of the most talented musicians I know, (and besides being the Director of the Twinning Mission), he has dove into the plight of the Haitians, with his entire heart, talent and soul. His efforts and productions to help the people of Haiti, have been awe inspiring to witness over the past few years. I’m very humbled to know him.

Everything he touches is infectious to me, and my vow is constantly resurrected when I see Haiti through his eyes and his work. His work makes me cry and smile simultaneously. With God’s help, the word he spreads will help many people, and keep us wondering what more can be done and accomplished when our hearts are in it.

Time and time again, he has shown us there is hope for the people of Haiti.

25 Random Ass Facts . . .

This began on Facebook about 2 weeks ago. It's been flying around and people adding their own stuff. It has been very interesting to see what friends have to say. The notes can be about anything.

25 THINGS ABOUT ME

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.

FACEBOOK: (To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish

MYSPACE: Go to Bulletin or Blog and post. Someone should respond. I will, if you are interesting enough......

1. Artie is the best friend I ever had. (Though if I tag him with this list, I know he'll never respond.)
2. I always have Plan B, C & D ready at hand. I've been up to Plan M before, so I keep trying until I get it done.
3. I have documented my family tree for the past 6 generations.
4. My kids are more enjoyable to watch as adults. It's funny, and sometimes sad, to watch them make decisions on their own, but never frustrating.
5. I pray throughout the day.
6. I love marshmallow peeps at Easter - the pink chickie ones ONLY! They're the most nutritious!
7. My childhood was sometimes unspeakable and sometimes not worth remembering.
8. I have not been to the movies, but once, in about 25 years. I love the old movies and catch up on cable with the newer ones.
9. I've always been a writer, and have several years of journals I've kept, filled with thoughts, stories poetry and a couple of unfinished novels. Marissa is under instruction to burn after I die, but I'm sure she will read them first.
10. The past few years have taught me the inevitable life lesson of mortality, and I'm not as afraid as I used to be.
11. Whenever I need advice, I talk to my Grandmother out loud, though she passed away many years ago.
12. My extended family have been contacting me in the past year. I forgot how incredibly large of a family I have. Contacting old classmates through FB and myspace has been loads of fun!
13. I admire people who overcome any obstacles in life.
14. My father was completely an underrated man during his lifetime, and I miss him terribly.
15. The older I get, the more I realize action is much better than intentions.
16. It amazes me I'm pushing 50 and still feel like I'm 19.
17. I have naturally curly hair.
18. I love my friends, old and new. My best friend in 7th grade is still a true friend today.
19. I believe EVERYTHING should be done in moderation, and nothing should be overdone or overused. This includes drugs, alcohol, people and lame jokes.
20. I absolutely love my new iPhone and so glad I only have to carry this little thing, instead of the six other things I used to carry (calendar, cell phone, iPod, note pad, laptop, Palm).
21. Sometimes you just have to walk away and give it a rest.
22. The best thing is to find money in an old coat pocket, instead of an old Kleenex.
23. The most awesome advice in my life I received from my aunts, not my mother.
24. As a child, I remember walking to school in the snow, before girls were allowed to wear pants, and wearing skirts would make my knees beet red.
25. Without sounding prejudicial, once a geek, always a geek. If you know a kid like this, watch over the next 20+ years. I've done it and it's really quite funny. : )

Gypsies, Tramps and Thieves

Points of view vary from person to person. From religion and politics to who is the best talk show host to the latest fashion trends. Truthfully? I don't really care to debate any of these things on a topical surface. I would like to see people get together on important issues without being classified into a category. It seems like a hopeless task, but I think there is a solution.


Instead of trying to figure out which "side" is better or more correct, why not look at something more simple. For instance, let's take the obvious crooks, thieves and take the greed out of the picture first. The State of Illinois just impeached their governor, Rod Blagojevich, for offering to sell the Obama's vacant Senator seat. Busted - on tape - impeached, yet still denying it happened.


Although I did not vote for President Obama, yesterday, he had to stop his work with all of our other issues, to deal with the peanut butter salmonella crap. The Georgia Department of Agriculture "inspected" this southern Georgia facility and last October and gave it a clear and clean rating. News yesterday says the same company owns another facility in Texas and IT HASN'T BEEN INSPECTED OR LICENSED!!! Does it sound like any inspectors are on the take here? Now the feds are launching a criminal probe. Close down the plant, take any of their money that is left, and throw them in jail! They've killed seven people, and made over 500 people sick all over the country. Any jury would and will convict them.

From the young Republican staffer, who traded his lobbying efforts for a ticket to the World Series to Hillary's questionable campaign funds to Florida's Tom Mahoney freaky sex stints to Daschle withdrawing his nomination, everything is questioned because of the character of the person. It goes on with very recent history with the New York governor and the Mayor of Detroit. The newspapers will forever stay in business with this kind of news hitting the front page on a daily basis.



There are white lies everywhere in our lives. I will not throw stones from my glass house, but the obvious takers and thieves must be weeded out of our governments - federal, state and local. The people who honestly earn their money by working and making it a better world are what we need to better our country. We need to clean this clog out of our system, because it's backing up our pipes with their sewage spewing out everywhere. Our grandchildren's history books will be filled with scandal after scandal.


There was a time when both parties represented honesty, dignity and integrity. We had a code of ethics we lived by and wanted the same of our politicians and employees of the governemnt agencies. We wanted to know we were paying taxes for better schools and roads, to pay our military personnel and help take care of people hit by hard times. It wasn't to defend people who stole from us, used us and were hypocrites when they took their oath of office. We used to look for the honesty and dignity of Marshall Dillon in our political leaders. We tested employee applicants and checked references before we let someone be responsible for spending our money. When did our standards lessen and can we get it back?


As another local scandal brews (DeKalb County, Georgia's Police Chief was just fired and unscrupulous and personal spending by Atlanta city officials), we turn on the news at 6:00 p.m., hoping to see a wonderful day, with no tragedy, no lives lost, no crooks. Fat chance!

Quit stealing and taking advantage of us. I can't wait until you're all busted.