Happy Birthday, Dad

Today would have been my Dad's 76th birthday. He died on January 4, 1992. Like my grandmother, I miss him dearly. RT and I had Mass said for him yesterday, as we do every year. It's the one day a year I selfishly cry for him because I want him here with me. RT always is there to help me through it. Though I wipe the tears more easily now, and know to just review all the great memories we had together.

The one thing that I've noticed recently is, now that The Boy has grown into an adult, I see many similarities of his Grandpa in him. When The Boy asks a question and hears a hard to believe response, he has the same head tilt as Dad did. LOL! It's really amazing to me, as he was only five years old when Dad passed away. I assume some traits are environmental, but some are surely genetic. The Boy's blue eyes glimmer as Dad's did, and their laughs are eerily alike. So, without anyone but myself in the family realizing it, the torch has been passed. : )

The Baby has traits of my father's as well. Her fine tuned listening skills surely do not come from me, but her Grandpa. She is always willing to hear what someone has to say, and not to make a quick judgment is Dad all the way.

Both The Boy and The Baby have his imagination, as they are both Journalism majors, and Dad was a fantastic story teller, making up childhood stories as he went. They are both very tall, as Dad was 6'3". They got this from neither of their parents. Passed down is the warped sense of humor, from Dad, through me and to the kids. LOL!

I hope Dad sees them from where he is and knows I have instilled his heritage and traditions within them. I hope he knows they are both very tolerant of sick people, after hearing the stories of his illness. His special Christmas Eve tradition still continues in our home. Like him, we help and give food to the hungry and less fortunate. The kids have done locally and in Nicaragua and he did it every year, the Friday after Thanksgiving. I hope he realizes, though both of them were very young when he died, that they both know he is their Grandpa. They love him and the stories of him have continually been passed down to them over the years.

Happy Birthday, Dad. No more special diets in Heaven, so have all the anchovies you want today. I'll drop Aunt Marilou a line and check on things today. Your little sister gets all mushy this day every year. Yet another likeness of The Boy and The Baby!

Sweet Memories

It's a simple fact of life I am more compatible with my grandmother than my mother. Most girls are, I suppose. Before any unnecessary insults go flying out of my mouth and to the keyboard, I will only speak of Grandma. My grandmother was a simple woman, who had no need for snobbery, hair dye nor bling. She saved her pennies and, well, was frugal.

The last twelve or so years of her life, she lived without Grandpa, and every time I spoke to her, she missed him terribly and couldn't wait for the day she would see him again. She was sure they would dance in heaven when she leave this Earth. When they were married fifty years, Grandpa passed away the following Memorial Day weekend, about seven months later. They were married later in life, especially for the time, and she had her last baby at the age of 42.

She died several years ago, peacefully. She woke in the middle of the night and sat in her favorite chair. Then, living with my aunt and uncle, they found her in the morning. No screams, hospitals or drama - simply and in her favorite chair.

I miss her considerably still, and have such fond memories of her. I feel her spirit is with me constantly, and reminisce of the small details from my early childhood and through adulthood about her life and what she gave to me. Up to the time she moved in with my gracious aunt and uncle, she did her own laundry with a Maytag wringer machine and washboard accompaniment. A line strung up between the clothesline poles in the backyard was her clothes dryer. She had an old 1940s Philco refrigerator with the steel latch in the kitchen. Her old gas stove had to be lit with Ohio Blue Tip matches, as there was no fancy igniter, yet still baked her homemade loaves to perfection. The wonderful smell of the yeast in her home baked bread could be almost tasted down the block. She had a lot to teach, though she never gave a single formal lesson. Growing up on a farm with five sisters and one brother, she was the only sibling who moved to the big city, so she grew tomatoes and what she could in her small urban backyard, and still acted like a traditional country girl in the home.

She was always Grandma to me, until she passed away. After she died, some old photos of her and Grandpa surfaced from the time they were courting. No one, including her children, had never seen them before. Grandma in a fancy fringed flapper dress, complete with hat, gloves and long pearl necklace tied in a knot. Grandpa, debonaire with his unfamiliar dark hair, and by his expression on his face, very stoked to be with her. They were smiling, which was unusual for photos then, and very smitten with each other. After seeing all these pictures, she became a woman to me, instead of just "Grandma". A strong woman, she was determined to raise a family in the unknown city with her simple folk values. She had a sprinkle of fun and playfulness. Most importantly, she was full of faith until the end.

Their old house had a beautiful view out the front window of the steeple to their Church, about four blocks away. The Gothic tower's bells rang the customary Westminster gongs every half hour. Grandpa made the outside Nativity manger out of old pine branches from saving his Christmas trees for three years. Both became more easy going as they got older. Simple was better - and cheaper.

Two days ago, my dryer broke down. You never realize it breaks until you have a mammoth load of sopping wet clothes that have been in too long and are still not drying. Like Grandma, I did the only thing I could do. I strung up a line in the backyard and hung up the clothes. With the drought, I knew it wouldn't rain and I had to do something with the wet clothes. Coincidentally, old jazz was blaring from our house and a chicken was in the kitchen baking, and it felt like I took a step back in time. RT came home to find me folding the clothes off the line - in a sundress and barefoot no less. He stared a little too long, then I told him the dryer was now fixed and to please get the smirk off his face. : )

The simplicities in life are the best memories we have. I may have to bake bread tomorrow. I love you, Grandma.

A NEW DAY

We expect our children to behave in a certain way, and try to teach and prepare them of various life situations, where they are expected to attend or act accordingly. Hopefully, when the world is right, they get older, they make the right choices, and our expectations do not turn to disappointment.

Expectations in life are the same as our hopes. If we expect something to happen, we work or control our lives a bit, to try to meet the expectation. When we do nothing, our expectations are nothing but disappointments. When we realize the impossibility of the event to happen, expectations wane, and soon disappear. We go onto something else and our hope slowly dies for that particular dream. Disappointment settles in a little, but can be overcome with a fresh evaluation of other goals or things we would like to achieve.

Wanting and needing are two different things. When our hopes are high, they tend to interfere with each other, especially when emotions are involved. Taking a step back and looking from a distance helps, along with some lapse of time. The disappointment is always remembered, but we're also able to learn from it. Maybe if it happened, it would not have been up to your expectations, hence, some disappointment again.

Time is wasted on concentrating on things never to be. It takes too much strength to think this hard, and I am learning they are a complete waste of time. Time I could be using for the many other items on my life list and gaining some happiness or accomplishments in other areas.

So be it. I feel a little defeated, but will stand again, walk again, and see expectations in life elsewhere. The sun is cracking through the dawn now, and another day begins. I expect today to be sunny and good. I hope so . . .

WITCHES, SNITCHES AND BITCHES

Do women belong to a secret coven and they are not telling me? Some ladies in my life lately have been complete w(b)itches! I think it really began to happen when I went through some personal changes in January 2007. It has now escalated into full blown rumors, a few which have gotten back to me accidently, as recent as the past few days. I had heard one a few months ago, but ignored it, knowing it came from the gossip girl, and she always bashes people to look better herself. Most people ignore her too.

Apparently, there are rumors to Botox, silicone and other bull shit trickery that I have been accused of using or having! LOL! WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT!??!!

After my finale with the very exhausting wine business, and not having to drink, travel and run a household from New York, I slept. I slept for about two months. I was literally near exhaustion, and not taking very good care of myself through it all, because I was just too tired. As my closest friends only know, I am in the steel business with RT now, still with my own sales/marketing company, but selling steel instead of wine. Widgets are widgets, I suppose.

Anyway, shortly after the Rip Van Winkle period, I went in for a cancer "maintenance" treatment in January 2007, and decided, since I was not going to see the usual people in my life for about four weeks, I would stop dying my hair. As it lost the bottled color, it turned into soft blond streaks for awhile, and then the white kicked in. I now have these natural white streaks in my hair. Some people (still) think that I have it done. No -- I just wash it. That's it. Nothing more. No, I do not have the streaks put in. DUH!

The second change was the zoom treatment the dentist comped me. Without dental insurance and needing my bridge repaired, he ended up completely refurbishing my teeth, because it was first completed in my mouth in 1978. The repairs were long overdue. Because I gave him so much money, he gave me whitening treatments at no charge! No, they are not caps, enamels, or whatever else. The bridge work is new, I must say, but doesn't show when I smile -- only the white teeth.

The third change was, embarrassingly, I gained seven pounds. No, I didn't gain it in the butt, but in my body. I have not had implants, silicone or whatever. (Ha Ha Ha!) Because of a missing thyroid, which controls your pituitary gland, I've just decided to be happy with the additional seven pounds. It fits well and it's hard work to keep it off. It's the new me, but it truly is me. The twins are the same as always.

The fourth change was, a beautiful lady named Michele came into my life. She took over care of my skin and face. She showed me (and sold to me) some very incredible potions and lotions from MK that exfolliate and subdue the wrinkles on my near 50 year old face. No, I have NOT had any Botox treatments. I have earned each and every one of my fine lines around my eyes from smiling, my forehead from yelling and my creases in my cheeks from laughing. No doctor nor Botox can take these from me. I deserve them and I am proud of them.

The fifth change came when I decided I didn't have any blue jeans any longer. I dressed in suits and slacks in the wine business and only owned one pair of jeans. I have found a special web site that tailors my clothes to fit my body's measurements, based on their recommendations. I am more cautious when I dress now, and have become very choosy when selecting clothes to wear out. A better fit is much more flattering. Period. No surgery, no weird ass underclothes (?), nothing else. (LOL-GET A LIFE!)

I've been gardening a lot lately, so next week, I'm sure the spray on tan will be next. Geez!

Taking better care of yourself, apparently, is just cause for a set of rumors to go flying around. I suppose it should be a backhanded compliment, but OH, PLEASE, find something better to do with your time, ladies. LOL! So squelch the rumors, not that the coven members actually read this blog, but it's worth a try. Maybe one of the witches will read it, and jump on her broom and tell the others. ; )

Putting Things In Order - Thanks, Coach!

I am so confused. I can not seem to put the items on the "to do list" in order. I no longer know which is more important than the next, and it seems like there are fewer hours in the day to complete everything. So many lists as well, and I just don't know where to begin.

One part of my life is finally coming to a close. The volunteer part of me, for the most part, has been put on idle, and the last function will be Tuesday evening. Focusing on the kids, work and writing is now in the forefront for the next few months. The wedding planning for Jess needs attention, and The Boy moved into the old house and it still needs a little more work completed. Home things have been put on hold, and they are beginning to pile up quickly. The Baby hasn't been checked on because of work, travel and the other two kids. My magic wand is running out of juice and I need to rejuvenate it somehow.

The past month, I have been working hard on getting certain things accomplished, only to be side tracked or I am waiting for answers, meetings or discussions from somebody. I hate the waiting game. God is on another time zone and He won't tell me which one. I've asked Him to hurry to no avail.

He has his own special way to get my attention though. Way behind on my emails, once again, I received a note from an old high school friend. A very special teacher will be celebrating her 85th birthday on June 22nd, and these two wonderful classmates are going to visit her. What incredible people, eh?? This particular teacher was one of the girls' gym teachers, Coach Schapp. Due to the big Haiti function last year, I could not make the big reunion, but saw photos of the teachers, and there she was. Cherub cheeks, salt and pepper hair and silver granny glasses on the nose, and it looked like she really hadn't change that much! Krap, Coach Schapp was old when she was our teacher, bless her heart!

My fondest memory (although painful) was when I broke my arm in gym class. I mangled my right forearm on the trampoline (don't ask). The radius (bone) on my right arm looked like a four inch "S" from my finger tips to the elbow, but luckily, it was not an open fracture. She ran over when she heard all of us screaming, blew her whistle to part the girls standing over me, and found my crippled arm. Coach put her magic clipboard under my break, and literally ran me to the nurse's office. She was the coach for the Christian Athletes Organization in our school, and kindly put up with my cursing and screaming from pain.

My arm is fine now, although I can now tell you the exact minute the rain will come, and I still can't turn it all the way over to receive change. However, the quickness and kindness of this special woman will forever be in my heart. I sent a birthday card to my friend to pass along to her. I doubt whether she will remember me, but I sure remember her.

P.S. Thanks to CS and HF for going to see her. You two are the best! Card is being mailed to Cindy today!

P.S.S. To Coach Schapp: My confessions: 1. When we played flag football in your class, being the Quarterback, I told all the girls to wind the tags around their wastes a couple of times, so they couldn't be pulled off. We weren't as good as you thought. 2: When I was center for field hockey, I threatened to hit the center on the other team in the shins with my stick. When the whistle blew, she jumped from fright - and I always got to the ball first. Sorry . . . Maybe . . . LOL!

P.S.S.S. To God: Thanks for setting me straight again on what is truly important in this life.

MY SECRET ADDICTION

Everyone's addicted to something. No matter what anyone says, there is always something that we crave and yearn, and just have to have it. Most addictions are no laughing matter. Although, a few of them seem odd to us, we really should take people's addictions very seriously. I have a secret addiction myself, and realized I own my addiction. This is the first step to begin recovery and living with it.

MONEY: The people who are addicted to money are quite interesting to watch, but only for awhile. If you get too close, and begin to care about them, they'll snap at you. They tend not to have too many serious relationships, and only want people around if they help them make even more money. They wonder how to invest, spend and save money and they are so focused, everyone else around them usually fall by the wayside.

POWER: Now when you think of this addiction, you think of powerful people behind the helm of huge corporations? No, I mean the people that are "in charge" of the drive through window at a fast food restaurant, and you change your order at the Pay Window. Those are the people you don't want to piss off. You just know they spit in your fries.

DRUGS/ALCOHOL: The absolute deadliest!

SEX: I've only heard about these people or have seen on scuzzy talk shows. This addiction would kind of worry me. Having had two time periods of dating in my life, how would you find this information out on someone??? What if you married one of these people, and then found out they hump everything in sight??? And why aren't they ever tired?? If you do it right, isn't falling asleep afterwards part of the scheme of things here??

FAME: No, not the Britney Spears kind, and not even the Joe DiMaggio kind. There are two other types of this addiction in our normal civilian lives. I am relating to the people who do stupid things to get attention, like when streaking was popular in the 1970s. Oh, the butts I've seen!!! Or there are talented people who think they are better than the rest of us. Both are addictive, and if you walk into a room and this type person is there, let them have the floor. You can laugh then or later - either way.

CLEANLINESS: I am all for being clean and keeping a clean house, but shit gets dirty once in awhile. Sometimes, I like to relax and not worry about doing the last load of laundry, just to keep the hamper empty. If there are any children in your house, you know this is next to impossible anyway.

GAMBLING: This is the most impractical of all addictions. If you've ever been to Las Vegas, one month's electric bill from any of the hotels on The Strip would feed a third world country for a whole year. It doesn't take much to see that the casinos have the money. There are so many other things to experience while in Las Vegas besides gambling. Shows, of course, Hoover Dam/Grand Canyon, several museums and the best gaudy souvenir shopping you've ever done!

PLASTIC SURGERY: OMG! Some people just don't see they have gone too far. It's too bad, because if you look at their "before" pictures, they were quite attractive to begin with. A few of the extreme cases no longer look human!

EXERCISE: I am speaking of the people who live off the endorphins, and the women body builders who have less than a percentage of body fat. These extreme fitness buffs think it looks good, but I think it looks like the muscle display in my doctor's examination room.

RELIGION: I am a practicing Christian and realize "Jesus loves me". I've silently asked myself "WWJD?" I believe in God, Heaven, Hell and angels. I believe that God's mercy exists and don't really need to be asked if Jesus is my Savior. I will not forward emails to 10 people, for fear that I will die, get sick or cause bad luck. I'm glad the extremists love their faith - I love mine too. I also realize we should all be evangelizers at certain times in our lives. Don't come to my front door and preach though. Meet me at my Church on Sunday instead. We'll pray together there. And none of us want any more airplanes flying into buildings, or other senseless devastation in the name of religion.

Other than anything illegal, I believe that everything should be done or taken in moderation. It makes a more calming life, and you can have a little of everything throughout your life, if you don't go crazy with it.

Now don't laugh at me, because this is a serious secret addiction I am sharing with you. My addiction is really quite simple. Donuts!!! Any kind, any flavor! They can be coated with glaze, icing, sugar (powder or granular). Hole or no hole. Stuffed with some kind of goo or a plain dough. It makes no difference to me. They have everything that's bad for me: sugar, fat, white flour, calories, fried, and no nutritional value whatsoever. Krispy Kreme, Dunkin Donuts, grocery store bakery or Entemann's, the little bakery down the road, and the small packages of the chocolate ones at the gas station, are all waiting for me to pick up and eat.

I know you're still laughing, and RT and my kids know this is real. I don't purchase them any longer. They get me into serious trouble with my health! And if you want any of my secrets divulged, simply tie my hands, put a French Cruller in front of me and ask away. I'll tell you anything, give you anything (yes, ANYTHING), just short of my first born!

When I hear of someone's addiction, I think of my donut addiction. Sounds silly, doesn't it? However, donuts have taught me about moderation and how to stay away from them. I can not have them readily available to me. I can't have them in the house and really have to think about it before I sink my teeth into one. I usually plan out very carefully when I can have them - after the annual cancer screening or when we're out of town on vacation.

I'm not the only one with this addiction. Homer Simpson's eyes go into swirly whirlys when he gets near them, gets himself in a trance, and repeats the word "DONUTS!" when he gets within 50 feet of one. You really should take people's addictions more seriously, and quit laughing at me. Apparently there are a lot of people with this problem.

Rosie O’Donnell Used To Be Funny

Rosie, we're no longer interested . . .

Rosie has her mouth and/or blog opened again. Since she became a celebrity, she's been in the news. I used to like her, I really did. She was a fantastic comedienne, when she did stand up. She could rattle off all the lyrics to ANY TV show or commercial at the drop of a hat. I liked her talk show, when I got to see it. She is was very intelligent and funny interviewer ,and treated her guests with open ears and poignant questions. Loved her in the "A League of Their Own", with Madonna, Tom Hanks and Geena Davis, playing her Doris Murphy supporting character flawlessly. Then "The Flintstones" precisely playing her Betty Rubble character, and then, her guest appearances on Will and Grace were hilarious. She was brilliant in each of these rolls. And, to top it all off, she created a wonderful charity called "For All Kids Foundation", giving generously to any child or charity that supports children.

I don't care that she is gay, straight, Christian, atheist or anything else she wants to be. I became a fan because she made me laugh. I love people that know how to do their jobs well, who know exactly what it takes to make it happen. She used to be one of these people, but she has changed drastically.

I don't really know what happened in the past few years, but recent news clips on her make my stomach turn. Whether it be Elisabeth Hasselbeck, Barbara Walters, Chinese people, Donald Trump or Kelly Rippa, I am so tired of her poisonous jabs on people, I just can't stand to listen to her. And I'm a fan!!! When being voted the Most Annoying Celebrity of 2007 and her response is "Whatever". The Old Rosie would have a funny comment about herself, and turn it into something -- anything, and not give us such a lame answer.

I'm done! I'm so disenchanted with her and her attitude. If she doesn't care about the people who are her fans, then what are we to do. When I see her in the news, I cringe, thinking, "Now what is she going to bitch about", instead of what I used to think, "Oooh, it's Rosie. She's so funny".

It's not easy to disappoint me. I am loyal and was willing to give her every possible chance, until now, as I've had enough. And it will be very difficult for her to come back too. I'm not sure how she would go about it either, unless she starts to be a little apologetic for the past few years. It's difficult to go back after a mistake. I think it takes humility and then, some thoughtfulness, to regain what she has lost, and she has neither in her heart right now.

When we see you, don't make us say "Let's make like a bread truck and haul buns" (from A League Of Their Own). We want to stay and listen to the old Rosie. I realize celebrities are certainly allowed to have their own opinion, but it's just too much meanness and bashing now. Her mouth is opened and her ears are closed.

Sorry, Rosie. I guess I'm done.

CURRENT RANT: ARE YOU A DUMBASS?

I have had a lot on my mind lately and really trying hard to sort some things out. I'll begin with my conclusion - I am not stupid; I know what you said or did, and I'm just being quiet about it. Not many people can pass something over on me. I question it directly and to myself. I remember most minute details about specific events. I don't exaggerate and I don't lie. Maybe I am keeping things to myself because the item in question is not worth the time or energy. I saw how you lurked around to see if I was going to say anything. You wasted your time. Quit being a paranoid dumbass.

People, especially wrongdoers, seem to think the rest of the world are completely stupid. If you steal or lie, and I notice, don't be worried. I'll not tell anyone. I digress back to karma again. Also, I'm not the only one watching you either. If you think you've gotten away with it, but you know I know . . . no bother here. Thieves and liars are not worth my time nor my energy. These are two very hot commodities I have very little of, and I am not about to waste them on snitching on your bad behavior. Nor would I confront you on any of it. Again, wasting my time and energy, probably only to hear your misguided justification on why you did it, or complete denial. Either way, it's just not worth it. Instead, I'll just write about your dirty deeds in my blog, dumbass!

You constantly hear in the news about the young boy going for a joy ride, who tries to outrun the police during a chase. They think their driving skills and intelligence surpasses the police officers in pursuit. It usually makes no difference if there is a helicopter involved, police radios or 20 cop cars versus the one kid's car. He thinks he's smarter, and that is the only reason he runs. Dumbass!

I never mention names here, but I feel like Heidi Fleiss. I have a mental list of people a mile and a half long, and a few have documentation! They will actually have to lie again to cover anything up. Dumbass!

Because I know of a few of your sins, don't go telling people other shit that I have not done. If anyone TRULY knows me, they can approach me anytime, and I will tell them the truth. Do you know how stupid, childish and bitchy you look like having a "friend" or relative you are always talking bad about??? Dumbass!

When someone quits and has to train someone else for their job, most always, they withhold information and/or hire someone who is, at the very least, slightly less than adequate. Dumbass! You should have done the best you can do, and let your merits rest on the position. You're not going to look better, dumbass, but more stupid in your hiring skills. You will also look bad, from the withheld information, with the staff you're leaving behind when they help your replacement. You know they will find the information, don't you?? Dumbass!

No, I'm not affluent, nor do I have any power. I have no reason to tattle on anyone because I'm one of the few in the world who realize I live in a glass house. To tell you the truth, I just don't care anymore about these people, though I should. They have all affected me in my life in a positive way, but I am finished making excuses for them. I feel like I have a target on my back, and it's really not too much fun when you don't see the dagger coming.

The Boy's favorite Disney movie when he was young, was Dumbo. Great classic film, and like all Disney's movies, always has a lesson or two. The dumbass clowns are under the Big Top, wanting to improve the act. One of them suggests getting the little elephant up on the tightrope. "What if he falls?" is asked by a more caring clown. The dumbass clown responds "It won't hurt him - everyone knows elephants are made of rubber." I think some people lately think I'm made of rubber - and I won't get hurt by the krap they are slinging around.

I have helped many people out in my life. Five people, in particular, were down and out, and really needed some support of various types. Every single one of these people have hurt me afterwards, and I just can not justify it. Am I helping the wrong people? Maybe I need to look closer on why they need the help? Maybe it is their fault of their devastating circumstance? But why bite the hand that feeds you, quite literally?? Don't ever come back with a sob story, because I shan't believe you. Dumbass!

So here's my official notice to all the dumbass people in my life. Get off my case!!! I don't like you any more and I don't trust you any more. I have no time and no energy for you in my life. You've used me and it hurts - badly. I will only pretend to like you in mixed company, but will ignore you totally, if I can. All is forgiven, but you've had many chances to be kind and passed them all up. There's is nothing more I can do for you, so please go away.

I must say, I feel a lot better now.