Saturday, May 31, 2008
TIME FOR A BREAK!
Why be so serious? Sometimes, it feels great just to relax and not worry. For me, The Ultimate Worrier, I have to write it down on the calendar and concentrate until near aneurism to have some time off from worrying. Once in awhile, I need it though. Lately, the calendar and list of things to do is so filled, I'm ready to pack it all up and toss it in the lake. That would take a lot of energy, so I've quickly ditched that idea. The day is coming soon, and I'll play Buddy Holly on the iPod, turn the volume as loud as it will go and just lay in the sun, or pull out the tackle box.
Friday, May 30, 2008
"SIT DOWN, I THINK I LOVE YOU . . ."
Deliberation can be used for good and evil ways in this world. To be used for good reasons, can be an incredible flow of kindness, bouncing back and forth, like a rhythmic steady heartbeat. It takes more time and effort to be thoughtful. Being deliberate to write to a friend, make a phone call or keep up with someone has shown me the rewards are astonishing, and well worth the efforts. Rediscovering old friends from the past, new acquaintances or with certain relatives have (re)joined my life recently. The only purpose is to spread sincerity around, and make someone feel better about their circumstances or reminisce about past good times.
However, actions or words that are carefully considered to be used against someone are more than hurtful. They are meant for only one reason - to cause pain. Being vindictive or vengeful are easy to a mean person. All they have to do is look for the weak spot. Anyone can do that, and it is fairly simple to do, with little brain work or time involved. I keep these pieces of donkey doo doo at arm's length.
There are still some people in my life with the latter in mind. I have tried to eliminate relationships in my life that cause distress and are a shear waste of time, energy and love. It is more difficult than it sounds, as I do not use revenge. You either have to be honest and open, or just ignore these people. Some of them are like throwing away a boomerang - they just keep coming back. The other day, I found something reminding me of a more hurtful time, and after a big gulp, I decided to walk away. This is something I am not good at, but I was able to pack those old feelings away and keep walking. Mind you, it took me two days of being pissed before deciding to walk away!
When the kids were young and they fought with each other, I always told them "There is no good reason for any kind of violence", whether it is verbal or physical. I still feel this is true with my relationships now. Deliberate actions are our personal responsibility to the people in our lives.
I love the nice deliberate people in my life now, especially my close friends who love me, no matter what. When the love flows in both directions, I can see even more reasons why I love them. If I spend any amount of time with them, I fall further in love, discovering more incredible things about them. My loyalty is steadfast and consistent, when there is mutual love. Deliberation takes more time, but not if the relationship is fun and amazing. It is so easy to give to these people in my life.
I wonder if God see us like this. The more love there is, the easier it gets, the more He responds to us, and the more extraordinary our life becomes.
"It's not much I'm asking of you, just please give me a try." -- Buffalo Springfield
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
The Boy Wonder Settles In
There is nothing like manual labor to humble a person. After a long week, we have almost completely finished renovating the old house. After four moves in four years, The Boy moved out of the city and into the old house. After painting, repairing, clearing out and putting a new floor in, I am very sore. The new floor in the family room and kitchen took me about 15 hours straight, and my booty is bruised, but finally completed the job. My fingers are stiff and sore, and the hair on my head is even aching a little!
The Boy is happy to be back in his childhood home. Familiar with the surroundings, he found his comfort zone very quickly, despite the hammering, nailing and painting. He has learned many things this week, that RT and I have taught him, but he has taught us too.
I was a naive mother, who used to think when they were 18, you were almost completely finished raising your child. Quite the opposite occurs. From the age of 18 and under, the child(ren) are under controlled circumstances. After they go off on their own or to college, they are under no reigns. To them, they have this unimaginable and long dreamt freedom. They get into all sorts of quandaries, but luckily, our old age and experience of getting into trouble helps ease them with quiet strength. After four years of feeling the cool waters of maturity, he seems to have come back around to the values we tried to teach him throughout the years.
And now, The Boy incredibly circles back into the old house where he grew up part of his young years. Some old grade school friends have been in contact. He is anxious for The Baby's first visit, with the entire house wrapped around his tastes and color blindness! LOL!
I've learned a number of things about The Boy this week too. He treats his girlfriend a little like his sister, with all the teasing, and still a sparkle in his eyes when they hug. He is a much neater person when it belongs to him. He knows exactly what direction he wants his future to land, and when certain events will happen. He is sure of himself and confident in the world and people around him. He is very set and strong in his politics and religion, with no swaying at all. He is pessimistic when it comes to the plight of the people of Nicaragua, but optimistic that he and others could make an incredible difference in this world, if we just banded together.
The Boy was an amazement this week as well. We were shopping for something insignificant he hadn't yet thought of -- oven mitts. When I mentioned them, he thought of the practicality and immediately had to have a pair. Walking through the aisles of the store, he spot a couple of other things. With his cell phone ringing all day, I had learned quickly to ignore the noisy ring tones. He studied one, while trying on a mitt. He answered it and began to smile. An older gentlemen, very active in his parish's youth, is sick. Awaiting a lung transplant, he asked The Boy to be one of his pallbearers. When he told me of the phone call, I cried for him - at the approaching and inevitable loss of a dear man who has taught him and touched him - at the honor this man sees in The Boy and The Boy in him - at the thought of the machismo attitude being dropped enough to go to their knees and pray together - at the incredible love and respect mutually flowing through these two men, one old and readying himself for the end, and one young and anxious for life to truly begin.
Watching him in his newly refurbished home, is bittersweet. I remember him chasing our Old Dog around in the yard when she was a smaller puppy, and him laughing and giggling when he won the race with her. I remember Christmases and holidays at the old house with he and The Baby. I remember the warmth of the spring breezes coming through the open windows, and warm sparks from the old fireplace hearth. I remember tucking them in their beds and playing piano until they fell asleep. I remember bundling them up for the walk to school down the road. Those times are gone, but remembered with a smile this week. Different memories await The Boy in the old house now, beginning today.
I am sore from head to toe, but it was well worth it to first hand witness the hopefulness in his eyes. I will take a few more Advil, and all will be right with the world again.
The Boy is happy to be back in his childhood home. Familiar with the surroundings, he found his comfort zone very quickly, despite the hammering, nailing and painting. He has learned many things this week, that RT and I have taught him, but he has taught us too.
I was a naive mother, who used to think when they were 18, you were almost completely finished raising your child. Quite the opposite occurs. From the age of 18 and under, the child(ren) are under controlled circumstances. After they go off on their own or to college, they are under no reigns. To them, they have this unimaginable and long dreamt freedom. They get into all sorts of quandaries, but luckily, our old age and experience of getting into trouble helps ease them with quiet strength. After four years of feeling the cool waters of maturity, he seems to have come back around to the values we tried to teach him throughout the years.
And now, The Boy incredibly circles back into the old house where he grew up part of his young years. Some old grade school friends have been in contact. He is anxious for The Baby's first visit, with the entire house wrapped around his tastes and color blindness! LOL!
I've learned a number of things about The Boy this week too. He treats his girlfriend a little like his sister, with all the teasing, and still a sparkle in his eyes when they hug. He is a much neater person when it belongs to him. He knows exactly what direction he wants his future to land, and when certain events will happen. He is sure of himself and confident in the world and people around him. He is very set and strong in his politics and religion, with no swaying at all. He is pessimistic when it comes to the plight of the people of Nicaragua, but optimistic that he and others could make an incredible difference in this world, if we just banded together.
The Boy was an amazement this week as well. We were shopping for something insignificant he hadn't yet thought of -- oven mitts. When I mentioned them, he thought of the practicality and immediately had to have a pair. Walking through the aisles of the store, he spot a couple of other things. With his cell phone ringing all day, I had learned quickly to ignore the noisy ring tones. He studied one, while trying on a mitt. He answered it and began to smile. An older gentlemen, very active in his parish's youth, is sick. Awaiting a lung transplant, he asked The Boy to be one of his pallbearers. When he told me of the phone call, I cried for him - at the approaching and inevitable loss of a dear man who has taught him and touched him - at the honor this man sees in The Boy and The Boy in him - at the thought of the machismo attitude being dropped enough to go to their knees and pray together - at the incredible love and respect mutually flowing through these two men, one old and readying himself for the end, and one young and anxious for life to truly begin.
Watching him in his newly refurbished home, is bittersweet. I remember him chasing our Old Dog around in the yard when she was a smaller puppy, and him laughing and giggling when he won the race with her. I remember Christmases and holidays at the old house with he and The Baby. I remember the warmth of the spring breezes coming through the open windows, and warm sparks from the old fireplace hearth. I remember tucking them in their beds and playing piano until they fell asleep. I remember bundling them up for the walk to school down the road. Those times are gone, but remembered with a smile this week. Different memories await The Boy in the old house now, beginning today.
I am sore from head to toe, but it was well worth it to first hand witness the hopefulness in his eyes. I will take a few more Advil, and all will be right with the world again.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Idols and Presidents
Most were glad to see David Cook win this evening. His arrangements were brilliant throughout the season, AND he plays guitar, AND he has a great voice. Both of the David's were quite talented, nice and humble - something that is very refreshing for celebrities. I hope they keep everything in check while they both ride the upcoming roller coaster of popularity.
I want to elect our next president like this, and we could call it "AMERICAN PRESIDENT". We would start in January and get rid of all of the people who think they want to be candidates. All the inadequate persons whose mothers told them they could be President! All the has beens, unqualified and just dumb ass candidates would be voted out immediately, and, of course, we would all have a good laugh over them. Everyone would tune in each week, wait for them to perform political magic, using their brains and talent, and we could all vote by text message or with a 1-800 number. If we are busy on Tuesday evening, we could record or TiVo it for a later viewing, as we do with American Idol. Every registered voter would have one vote each week, and each week, we could watch what they would do in a given political situation. One week, they could meet with the Mid East leaders to talk of possible peace. One week, they would have to entertain Jimmy Carter (and listen to him). One week, they could be in a press conference and field questions. One week, a meeting with all the Generals, Admirals, Air Chief Marshals and Secretary of State. One week, their proposals for balancing the budget and getting this country out of debt. One week, their health care, veteran or energy plans.
We would actually have to concentrate, and give them our attention each week, just as we do American Idol. We would have to pay attention, and with our brains, vote for the best candidate each week. The final vote, of course, would have to be the first Tuesday in November. Most people would vote, because they wouldn't have to leave their homes. It would be counted more efficiently. It would help the disabled who have to jump through hoops to get to the polls or file their absentee ballot. People out of town, or out of the country, could still vote with little hassle. Throw in a little Gladys Knight between candidates, as they did in tonight's show, and you would have everyone's attention. (Just shorten the commercials, PLEAZZZZEEEE!)
If the voting process were marketed properly, we would get a better count of who EVERYONE would want in office. Demands by the citizens of more intelligent and well spoken candidates would certainly be the first criteria. The second would be the liars and insincere candidates would be expelled quickly. The mudslinging would stop because there would be no time in their lives for nonsense. They would be too busy getting ready for the following week's competition. Their families and fans could be rooting them from the live audience, and the rest of the nation from our homes, just as American Idol does. Less money would be spent by the candidates for campaigning, as this would be their campaign, and no time for the usual road work of shaking hands, kissing babies and meeting with the union presidents. It would put the candidates in the position that the public is watching them, waiting and wanting absolute smart leadership for our nation. They would have to be on their toes, at all times.
We could all choose the best person to win and it would not be a surprise to anyone, as the weeks progressed. Sometimes, the winner is successful after the show, like Kelly and Carrie. Sometimes they're not as successful, like Taylor and Ruben. But the fact remains, we have the same in our past presidencies. In my opinion, there are few American presidents that could be better than Mr. Ronald Reagan. He had the knowledge, experience and love for this country and did the best job possible in most every situation. He had wit, charm and influence in both parties, because he LISTENED to people in both parties. He wasn't afraid to adjust his opinion because someone else had a great idea and wasn't afraid to incorporate these ideas - no matter from which party they belonged. His funeral in 2004 saddened everyone in this nation - Republicans, Democrats, Independents and everyone in between. Though he wasn't in the public eye for many years, we all cried together as a country when he left us here on Earth without him. We recollected all the great things he did, as an actor, governor, President, father, husband and friend.
I wouldn't be bucking the voting system that has been in place for over 200 years, if we had another candidate in 2008 similar to Mr. Reagan. I miss him still. I wish our current candidates would look to his spirit for the type of candidate some of us are looking for. We had great candidates this year in American Idol. They were the cream of the crop for young, talented and humble singers and musicians. I only want the same for our soon to be President.
Good luck, David and David. I wish you both the best. As far as John, Hillary and Obama - yeah, okay - whatever - blah, blah, blah. Show me something, for Pete's sake!
I want to elect our next president like this, and we could call it "AMERICAN PRESIDENT". We would start in January and get rid of all of the people who think they want to be candidates. All the inadequate persons whose mothers told them they could be President! All the has beens, unqualified and just dumb ass candidates would be voted out immediately, and, of course, we would all have a good laugh over them. Everyone would tune in each week, wait for them to perform political magic, using their brains and talent, and we could all vote by text message or with a 1-800 number. If we are busy on Tuesday evening, we could record or TiVo it for a later viewing, as we do with American Idol. Every registered voter would have one vote each week, and each week, we could watch what they would do in a given political situation. One week, they could meet with the Mid East leaders to talk of possible peace. One week, they would have to entertain Jimmy Carter (and listen to him). One week, they could be in a press conference and field questions. One week, a meeting with all the Generals, Admirals, Air Chief Marshals and Secretary of State. One week, their proposals for balancing the budget and getting this country out of debt. One week, their health care, veteran or energy plans.
We would actually have to concentrate, and give them our attention each week, just as we do American Idol. We would have to pay attention, and with our brains, vote for the best candidate each week. The final vote, of course, would have to be the first Tuesday in November. Most people would vote, because they wouldn't have to leave their homes. It would be counted more efficiently. It would help the disabled who have to jump through hoops to get to the polls or file their absentee ballot. People out of town, or out of the country, could still vote with little hassle. Throw in a little Gladys Knight between candidates, as they did in tonight's show, and you would have everyone's attention. (Just shorten the commercials, PLEAZZZZEEEE!)
If the voting process were marketed properly, we would get a better count of who EVERYONE would want in office. Demands by the citizens of more intelligent and well spoken candidates would certainly be the first criteria. The second would be the liars and insincere candidates would be expelled quickly. The mudslinging would stop because there would be no time in their lives for nonsense. They would be too busy getting ready for the following week's competition. Their families and fans could be rooting them from the live audience, and the rest of the nation from our homes, just as American Idol does. Less money would be spent by the candidates for campaigning, as this would be their campaign, and no time for the usual road work of shaking hands, kissing babies and meeting with the union presidents. It would put the candidates in the position that the public is watching them, waiting and wanting absolute smart leadership for our nation. They would have to be on their toes, at all times.
We could all choose the best person to win and it would not be a surprise to anyone, as the weeks progressed. Sometimes, the winner is successful after the show, like Kelly and Carrie. Sometimes they're not as successful, like Taylor and Ruben. But the fact remains, we have the same in our past presidencies. In my opinion, there are few American presidents that could be better than Mr. Ronald Reagan. He had the knowledge, experience and love for this country and did the best job possible in most every situation. He had wit, charm and influence in both parties, because he LISTENED to people in both parties. He wasn't afraid to adjust his opinion because someone else had a great idea and wasn't afraid to incorporate these ideas - no matter from which party they belonged. His funeral in 2004 saddened everyone in this nation - Republicans, Democrats, Independents and everyone in between. Though he wasn't in the public eye for many years, we all cried together as a country when he left us here on Earth without him. We recollected all the great things he did, as an actor, governor, President, father, husband and friend.
I wouldn't be bucking the voting system that has been in place for over 200 years, if we had another candidate in 2008 similar to Mr. Reagan. I miss him still. I wish our current candidates would look to his spirit for the type of candidate some of us are looking for. We had great candidates this year in American Idol. They were the cream of the crop for young, talented and humble singers and musicians. I only want the same for our soon to be President.
Good luck, David and David. I wish you both the best. As far as John, Hillary and Obama - yeah, okay - whatever - blah, blah, blah. Show me something, for Pete's sake!
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
AS SEEN ON TV
I've watched some television lately - usually in bed, very late at night. HA HA HA! Late night TV is so funny!
I am absolutely mesmerized by infomercials. With marketing on my mind, I wonder about the geographic and economic trends they are studying to think these are a great idea. Are they serious??? They must have sales, or they would stop these incredulous scams. Fifteen years ago, they began with all the psychics and prediction people. They are long gone now. I wonder why, eh??
Now, you can purchase kitchen gadgets, vitamins and hire an accident attorney. There is also a set of CDs you can buy with all the hits of the 1960s. Although, I think the Chuck Norris one, showing off his abs on the gym equipment was worth flipping the channels on the remote. ; )
I've also noticed that the commercials are louder in the late evening too. They want to wake your ass up and sell something! Never fall asleep with the TV on, unless you are a very heavy sleeper. HA HA HA
The all time worse infomercial has to be the colon cleansing. I am more serious than I've ever been! Talking about this sensitive and very private subject, you would think they would at least get some better looking people to promote the product. EEWWW!
Did you know I could become a millionaire in 30 days, by selling foreclosed real estate? I can also get rid of my wrinkles and lose 35 pounds in two weeks time. I can get a great deal on a new Chevy and learn how to empower by inner self. This would be the "Ultimate Extreme Makeover"! I figured I can be a rich, skinny bitch, looking younger than my actual years, within one month's time - and driving a brand new car! Total cost is about $18,668.92 (not including tag, tax, title or shipping fees).
As an insomniac, I'm going back to reading.
Monday, May 19, 2008
HANDSOME, SEXY & INTELLIGENT PEOPLE NEEDED
"No one gossips about other people's secret virtues."
The gossip fence is long and people are standing around, waiting for all the juicy stuff. I'm not talking of the updates in our family or friends' lives. We need this information, so we can help out, or be humbled and receive help when needed. I am speaking directly at the fence where idle gossip is told - the betrayals that don't mean anything, other than to be hurtful to someone else. Lies are lies are lies. There are no handsome, sexy or intelligent people at the fence - on either side.
Yes, I have been on both sides of this fence, but as I get older, I wave to the people and go on my way. (That's usually the time when their tongues start wagging about me, because I've passed them up.) There is just too much to be accomplished and not enough time in my life. I've learned to pass the fence, but especially lately. I can purchase a dime store novel and get the same effect. I could watch Desperate Housewives or one of the many soaps or court shows. Nothing is what it appears at the fence, as it is mostly lies, exaggerations and bullshit.
I often wonder what constitutes that this fiction is worth repeating. There are some people where gossip exists only because they are insecure, and bash someone else to make themselves look better. If you step back and look at it, it actually has quite the opposite effect. Some people gossip because they need virtual excitement in life. Why not stir it up in someone else's life instead of their own? Some just don't think of the repercussions or the obvious backfires that go along with idle gossip. There are others who make a living at it. The beefier the gossip, the better the photo, the more money they make. The National Enquirer and certain talk shows prove this each and every week, and are nothing more than the whores of the media. They all have advertisers paying humongous amounts of money for slots within their kind of rag media.
Now on the other side of the fence are all the people, literally lined up by the millions, waiting to hear the latest and greatest scoop, not knowing or caring whether the truth is involved in the stories. I really don't know where they find the time. Is it that important to be the first to tell someone else the latest lie, betrayal or embarrassment to another person? There is never love or integrity at the fence.
No matter what side of the fence you are on, it seems a lot of energy is expended. If the zest for gossip, the spent cash and the boundless amount of time, was used for better things, the difference made would be immeasurable. The impact would be swift and massive, and the change would affect the entire globe almost instantly.
There is nothing of value or anything worth hearing or saying at the fence. I'd rather spend my time in many other ways - preferably with handsome, sexy and intelligent people.
If there is anything you want to know about someone, ask them directly. You will receive a direct answer. When they don't want to share, they will tell you. If they share, you will get the truth. Isn't that better?
NOTE: So everything has slowed down a bit and I am breathing a bit more - though it's in a paper bag, so I'm not so dizzy now. Moving day is tomorrow for The Boy. The Baby is holding her own and Jess' wedding planning session is tomorrow morning. I wonder who will take care of their krap when they're all grown up! <<<{sarcasim} GEEZ! It was easier chasing them around 20 years ago to wipe their noses or asses!
Summer Hibernation
Too much is going on right now and getting my thoughts straight seem to be the hardest task. Not to offend anyone, but I am getting ready for a serious hibernation. I usually do it once a year, just like a sleepy winter bear. (Since it is almost summer, I guess I should call it estivation.) I will call my sister-in-law because she's a bigger worrier than me, then I turn off the cell phone - usually for about a week. I do not listen to the kids, nor call them, unless there is a serious emergency. I do not talk to nor see friends or family, and I sneak into the office when everyone has left and work in the evening. What do I do? I disappear from everyone and get very quiet. (Hey, quit laughing!) RT doesn't participate - just me. He's the only person I see during this time. If someone comes over to the house under his invitation, I will hide.
The Baby went with me on a business trip last week to Florida. She slept in while I went to a conference. While walking back to the hotel during lunch, I woke her via telephone, and we went to lunch. In the afternoon, she watched television and napped while I went to other appointments. Solid success on the appointments, and she got a chance to relax after this past tough ass semester of life. We stopped in a small coastal town, bought RT some oysters and us some taffy. We listened to 1960s folk and rock music and stopped at a beach for a few hours, and laughed and talked with the locals. We stopped everywhere on our return when either of us had a whim or was thirsty. It took forever to get back home, but it was fun for both of us not to be on a schedule. She's doing much better, and the extra maternal bonding probably helped. It was two days of no responsibilities, lists or calendars, and now I want more.
Lately, events seem to be happening very quickly. There is so much going on in this life, I'm finding it a little difficult to keep up. There were doctors' appointments kept last week. Once again, I have them in a tizzy. None of them know of a diagnosis for me, so here we go again with the testing. The past six years, I have been poked and prodded, and I actually have scars on the inside of my arms from blood testing - similar to a junkie. Dr. Endo is scratching his head about the levels of my blah blah blah, and has decided to rerun more tests - four vials of blood out of left arm. New Dr. GP is going in another direction, after seeing Dr. Endo's results. His thoughts are hospital out patient tests, pokes and prods.
The Baby went with me for her physical follow up, and she's fine. She sat there and listened to the doctor, and she shrugged her shoulders through her entire exam. Then she listened to him speak to me. There is nothing bothering her, but her mother's krap. She watched me give four more vials of fresh juice, from my right arm, since left arm was bruised from the day before. She cringed, shuddered and then came her questions.
I told her it doesn't really bother me anymore. I'm on top of everything, and now it's up to the pros to figure it out. I'm still breathing. I'm not in pain. I can still have sugar, coffee and ride roller coasters. Nothing is wrong. I'm not the confused person here, the doctors are. I told her not to worry and made a mental note never to share doctor's appointments with her again.
So it's back to the office to work tomorrow. Then, it's off to a Haiti meeting in the evening to talk about expiration dates on drugs being shipped. Move The Boy on Tuesday, out of the city and into our old house in the burbs, along with the painting and repairs needed. Keep up with our main house and other chores here. Scan some damaged old photos and email out, so they can be retouched, by an old friend of 36 years, in St. Louis. Get some artwork framed. Put utilities in The Boy's name. More of daughter's wedding plans, and calls to Florida and Ohio for the big event. Write my column. Go see banker. Send birthday gift to my friend in Honolulu. Graduation presents and cards for friend's kids. Learn the Carole King song on piano. Two thank you notes, and flowers for a friend's mother that's in the hospital. Then off to work again on Wednesday, while waiting for doctors to call me and tell me something or other. Keeping up with this life is getting mind boggling, and this doesn't even begin to cover my thoughts, open projects, ideas, fantasies, or list of preparing for next week's events. WHEW! The list and calendar are filled to the brim.
Yes, hibernation time is getting closer. No phone - no schedules - no doctors - no family - no friends - no computer. Crawl into my pretend cave and hide. I may have to pencil it in . . .
The Baby went with me on a business trip last week to Florida. She slept in while I went to a conference. While walking back to the hotel during lunch, I woke her via telephone, and we went to lunch. In the afternoon, she watched television and napped while I went to other appointments. Solid success on the appointments, and she got a chance to relax after this past tough ass semester of life. We stopped in a small coastal town, bought RT some oysters and us some taffy. We listened to 1960s folk and rock music and stopped at a beach for a few hours, and laughed and talked with the locals. We stopped everywhere on our return when either of us had a whim or was thirsty. It took forever to get back home, but it was fun for both of us not to be on a schedule. She's doing much better, and the extra maternal bonding probably helped. It was two days of no responsibilities, lists or calendars, and now I want more.
Lately, events seem to be happening very quickly. There is so much going on in this life, I'm finding it a little difficult to keep up. There were doctors' appointments kept last week. Once again, I have them in a tizzy. None of them know of a diagnosis for me, so here we go again with the testing. The past six years, I have been poked and prodded, and I actually have scars on the inside of my arms from blood testing - similar to a junkie. Dr. Endo is scratching his head about the levels of my blah blah blah, and has decided to rerun more tests - four vials of blood out of left arm. New Dr. GP is going in another direction, after seeing Dr. Endo's results. His thoughts are hospital out patient tests, pokes and prods.
The Baby went with me for her physical follow up, and she's fine. She sat there and listened to the doctor, and she shrugged her shoulders through her entire exam. Then she listened to him speak to me. There is nothing bothering her, but her mother's krap. She watched me give four more vials of fresh juice, from my right arm, since left arm was bruised from the day before. She cringed, shuddered and then came her questions.
I told her it doesn't really bother me anymore. I'm on top of everything, and now it's up to the pros to figure it out. I'm still breathing. I'm not in pain. I can still have sugar, coffee and ride roller coasters. Nothing is wrong. I'm not the confused person here, the doctors are. I told her not to worry and made a mental note never to share doctor's appointments with her again.
So it's back to the office to work tomorrow. Then, it's off to a Haiti meeting in the evening to talk about expiration dates on drugs being shipped. Move The Boy on Tuesday, out of the city and into our old house in the burbs, along with the painting and repairs needed. Keep up with our main house and other chores here. Scan some damaged old photos and email out, so they can be retouched, by an old friend of 36 years, in St. Louis. Get some artwork framed. Put utilities in The Boy's name. More of daughter's wedding plans, and calls to Florida and Ohio for the big event. Write my column. Go see banker. Send birthday gift to my friend in Honolulu. Graduation presents and cards for friend's kids. Learn the Carole King song on piano. Two thank you notes, and flowers for a friend's mother that's in the hospital. Then off to work again on Wednesday, while waiting for doctors to call me and tell me something or other. Keeping up with this life is getting mind boggling, and this doesn't even begin to cover my thoughts, open projects, ideas, fantasies, or list of preparing for next week's events. WHEW! The list and calendar are filled to the brim.
Yes, hibernation time is getting closer. No phone - no schedules - no doctors - no family - no friends - no computer. Crawl into my pretend cave and hide. I may have to pencil it in . . .
Saturday, May 10, 2008
A Different Mother's Day
How to spend Mother's Day for me is no different than any other Sunday. The Boy and The Baby have a good relationship with me throughout the year, and they know this day is no more important than any other day. They just don't love me on the second Sunday of May - that seems kind of silly to me.
The Baby seemed only slightly disappointed she couldn't spend Mother's Day with me because of work. I told her that she and I do not need just one day a year set aside for our relationship. Instead, she will join me on a business trip to Florida next week, and we will stop by the beach and hang out together for awhile. This is much better than a box of chocolates.
The Boy is going to a bachelor party and wedding this weekend. He should be stopping by today sometime. This is the first one of his friends' clique that is getting married. He's getting so old, it seems. I told him he didn't have to visit for Mother's Day, but he said he's going to be within ten miles anyway. He also knows it makes no difference to me. The convenience of his friend's wedding is what is spawning his visit to home. It's better than a bouquet of flowers.
I'm very different from most of my female friends - the oddball, really. I do not much care about Mother's Day, Valentines Day, my birthday, or gifts for any other occasion throughout the year. I realize it's nice to recognize these events for young children. I would rather have a stable and secure steady stream of love throughout the year, than one assigned day for them to be forced to show me.
It has come down to how I want to spend Sunday. Maybe sneak over to 10:30 Mass by myself and sit in the back for a fast escape, so I don't have to talk to anyone (a little mean and stuck up, but more relaxing on some Sundays.) Scream with Jethro Tull on the way home at full decibels. Read the paper, a slow roast in the oven for a nice quiet dinner. I will prepare my mind for a long ass drive and presentation in Florida on Monday, so I can, hopefully, convince Florida Power & Light I am exactly what they are looking for!!!
Kind of boring for such a special day for moms, but I had my real Mother's Day earlier in the week, and RT had his Father's Day early as well. I received an email note and plea from my doctor and friend, who was asking for people to be Godparents to a family in Haiti. One mother, Mme Jacqueline, with twelve children had lost her husband two years ago from tuberculosis. Being despondent and mentally broken down has taken a physical toll on this woman's body, mind and spirit. This is from not knowing where the next meal for her children would come from, and being cramped in a ten by ten room with thirteen people. RT and I are now the proud Godparents of Lucson, a beautiful four year old Haitian boy. : ) As soon as we saw his photo, we were in love with him. A shy looking little boy with his big brown eyes looking up towards the camera lens taking his picture.
I'm sure God did not care that this weekend was Mother's Day, when the call came across the wires for this family. We have to be prepared to be loving mothers and parents at any given time, to reach out to the child and take their hand - guide them and show them love comes throughout the year, each and every day, and they are entitled to it. Life as a mother has been good this week, but not because I will receive a corsage or have a lovely brunch with family -- not because one of the kids came home with flowers or a card -- not because Hallmark said so -- only because Lucson needs our prayers and help, and we may be able to make a difference in the life of a little boy 1400 miles away. Happy Mother's Day, Mme Jacqueline.
The Baby seemed only slightly disappointed she couldn't spend Mother's Day with me because of work. I told her that she and I do not need just one day a year set aside for our relationship. Instead, she will join me on a business trip to Florida next week, and we will stop by the beach and hang out together for awhile. This is much better than a box of chocolates.
The Boy is going to a bachelor party and wedding this weekend. He should be stopping by today sometime. This is the first one of his friends' clique that is getting married. He's getting so old, it seems. I told him he didn't have to visit for Mother's Day, but he said he's going to be within ten miles anyway. He also knows it makes no difference to me. The convenience of his friend's wedding is what is spawning his visit to home. It's better than a bouquet of flowers.
I'm very different from most of my female friends - the oddball, really. I do not much care about Mother's Day, Valentines Day, my birthday, or gifts for any other occasion throughout the year. I realize it's nice to recognize these events for young children. I would rather have a stable and secure steady stream of love throughout the year, than one assigned day for them to be forced to show me.
It has come down to how I want to spend Sunday. Maybe sneak over to 10:30 Mass by myself and sit in the back for a fast escape, so I don't have to talk to anyone (a little mean and stuck up, but more relaxing on some Sundays.) Scream with Jethro Tull on the way home at full decibels. Read the paper, a slow roast in the oven for a nice quiet dinner. I will prepare my mind for a long ass drive and presentation in Florida on Monday, so I can, hopefully, convince Florida Power & Light I am exactly what they are looking for!!!
Kind of boring for such a special day for moms, but I had my real Mother's Day earlier in the week, and RT had his Father's Day early as well. I received an email note and plea from my doctor and friend, who was asking for people to be Godparents to a family in Haiti. One mother, Mme Jacqueline, with twelve children had lost her husband two years ago from tuberculosis. Being despondent and mentally broken down has taken a physical toll on this woman's body, mind and spirit. This is from not knowing where the next meal for her children would come from, and being cramped in a ten by ten room with thirteen people. RT and I are now the proud Godparents of Lucson, a beautiful four year old Haitian boy. : ) As soon as we saw his photo, we were in love with him. A shy looking little boy with his big brown eyes looking up towards the camera lens taking his picture.
I'm sure God did not care that this weekend was Mother's Day, when the call came across the wires for this family. We have to be prepared to be loving mothers and parents at any given time, to reach out to the child and take their hand - guide them and show them love comes throughout the year, each and every day, and they are entitled to it. Life as a mother has been good this week, but not because I will receive a corsage or have a lovely brunch with family -- not because one of the kids came home with flowers or a card -- not because Hallmark said so -- only because Lucson needs our prayers and help, and we may be able to make a difference in the life of a little boy 1400 miles away. Happy Mother's Day, Mme Jacqueline.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Leap Of Faith
I went downtown yesterday and spent the day, and most of the evening, with The Baby. Finals are over, she now has the perfect job for her, and all is calm -- for now. I brought her a gift - a Hohner Blues harmonica. She has recently picked up her guitar again too. Then we cleaned her apartment, went shopping and ate dinner together. We talked all day and most of the night, and all is right with her now. Tomorrow may be another story, as she has struggled lately, but I believe in The Baby. Though mistakes have been made, she is humble and smart enough to recognize them, apologize and be on her way to be a better person, and get right back into her routine.
Once, when she was a toddler, she and her brother were playing outside. She came into the kitchen and called to me. After a few seconds, I turned to her to find both of her knees scraped and blood trickling down her pudgy legs. The Baby was fine and just wanted to let me know she had fallen. I cried, she didn't, and she told me it was going to be okay. She wanted a bandaid for each knee, and to go right back out and play more with her big brother. No wailing, no crying - just patch her up and let her be on her way.
All in all, being with her is like a splash of cool water in my face. She wakes me up and makes me realize that things can get back to a sense of normality. Everything is done and everything is here for a reason, but looking at the small, good things in life keeps your mind going in a positive direction -- always! I can not believe she is not the least bit cynical, and it may be her age or youthful wide-eyed attitude. She has come a long way, especially in the past few months, and still only sees a brighter tomorrow.
I'm glad she has blind faith. It helps to look at as many things as you can with a positive attitude, but I have found as I get older, it gets more difficult to see things in this light. At times, it is even a struggle to see anything positive in certain events or people. Some are just plain ol' bad and there is no changing them - only accepting them for their face value. I like to keep a good distance from them, if at all possible.
It's easy to taint positive attitudes, if you turn on the news or look at the blight around us in the world. Insincerity and negativity seem to be seeping out of everything, everyone and everywhere. It is simple to see the bad and hard to find the good sometimes, but the good is always there. Seeing the better part of the world takes energy and thought. Turning people's thoughts from sadness to encouragement is time consuming, and an requires one to have an open heart.
I love being with people like this. She amazed me yesterday, and still, I can not figure out what I did so good that I deserve to have her so close to me. The Baby's confidence is on the rise again, and she doesn't know it, but she's my new hero.
"Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe." - St. Augustine
Once, when she was a toddler, she and her brother were playing outside. She came into the kitchen and called to me. After a few seconds, I turned to her to find both of her knees scraped and blood trickling down her pudgy legs. The Baby was fine and just wanted to let me know she had fallen. I cried, she didn't, and she told me it was going to be okay. She wanted a bandaid for each knee, and to go right back out and play more with her big brother. No wailing, no crying - just patch her up and let her be on her way.
All in all, being with her is like a splash of cool water in my face. She wakes me up and makes me realize that things can get back to a sense of normality. Everything is done and everything is here for a reason, but looking at the small, good things in life keeps your mind going in a positive direction -- always! I can not believe she is not the least bit cynical, and it may be her age or youthful wide-eyed attitude. She has come a long way, especially in the past few months, and still only sees a brighter tomorrow.
I'm glad she has blind faith. It helps to look at as many things as you can with a positive attitude, but I have found as I get older, it gets more difficult to see things in this light. At times, it is even a struggle to see anything positive in certain events or people. Some are just plain ol' bad and there is no changing them - only accepting them for their face value. I like to keep a good distance from them, if at all possible.
It's easy to taint positive attitudes, if you turn on the news or look at the blight around us in the world. Insincerity and negativity seem to be seeping out of everything, everyone and everywhere. It is simple to see the bad and hard to find the good sometimes, but the good is always there. Seeing the better part of the world takes energy and thought. Turning people's thoughts from sadness to encouragement is time consuming, and an requires one to have an open heart.
I love being with people like this. She amazed me yesterday, and still, I can not figure out what I did so good that I deserve to have her so close to me. The Baby's confidence is on the rise again, and she doesn't know it, but she's my new hero.
"Faith is to believe what you do not see; the reward of this faith is to see what you believe." - St. Augustine
Saturday, May 3, 2008
Latent Talent
I love people with talent. I love musicians, especially, but there are lots of talents in people that are often overlooked. Juggling, for instance, is a talent not many people have mastered. Learning a foreign language is difficult, as I am experiencing myself. (Je progresse lentement !) No matter how silly some talents are, an open mind for people of different talents is necessary to being a kind person.
Most people have more than one talent, but I believe everyone in the world has at least one talent. Stupid Human Tricks on the Dave Letterman Show proves this point. Some people's talents may seem useless, but practice and perseverance makes them able to do something that most people can not do. Though stupid, many hours of time and effort went into these "tricks".
Practice makes perfect, is an old cliche, though I don't think this is true. I don't think we can learn everything about our own particular talent, even if we begin at the age of two years and continue until we are a hundred years old. Our talents are adaptive to our interpretation or style as well. As we change, our lives change or the environment around us changes, our styles then change too. Since our talent changes as we change, we're never able to make that ultimate level of perfection. We may get better with it, we may even become great at it, but never perfection.
So what draws us to the people who are talented, if all of us have talent of some type? What makes us want to be good at something? Is it the attention we receive when we do it well? Probably in part, but I think it is much more than that. The bearded lady in the old time freak shows, just had to grow a beard to be different and popular. I know a lot of older Italian women (apologies to any aunts of mine) who have kind of hairy faces. It has to be more than just the attention.
The better someone is at what they do, the more humble they are in their talent too. Pope John Paul thought he could be a better Catholic every day, and would constantly strive daily to be even better. Clapton is the first to admit that he doesn't know all that his guitar can do. Dave Brubeck, my all time musical hero (and a genius), is now 87 and still performing. Two years ago, wrote a jazz opera called "Cannery Row". The great talents are always striving to be better, though most of us believe they are amazing now.
Letting our talents mature and develop is a choice we make ourselves. We give it our valuable time, stop other things in our lives to practice and make it better. Our talents help define us as us, the unique individual we yearn to be and allow us to refine our introspection.
We have to be good at something in our lives because it gives us a sense of accomplishment and achievement. Whether we share our talents with others or not, we need this to feel like a successful human being, giving our best at something. It keeps our mind occupied in our own interpretations of what our talent is, and what it will become. Next week, it will be better, possibly different, but better. It gives us a sense of self worth, and we don't necessarily share this feeling with anyone. It is self satisfaction we have attained, and this personally belongs to only ourselves.
Even if it is touching your tongue to your nose, or making crude noises, to be good at something gives us self confidence and happiness. We need these two important characteristics to be successful in the rest of our lives. Our talent also gives us a release when we want to be lost and alone. At those times, it helps us sort things out, and allows us to go back to something we are familiar with. It is something personal in our lives that give us no qualms or arguments. Our talents are faithful to us, if we are faithful to them.
Next time a child comes to you and says, "Look what I can do", give the little one your fullest attention. Being the center of attention may not the only thing they are looking for.
Most people have more than one talent, but I believe everyone in the world has at least one talent. Stupid Human Tricks on the Dave Letterman Show proves this point. Some people's talents may seem useless, but practice and perseverance makes them able to do something that most people can not do. Though stupid, many hours of time and effort went into these "tricks".
Practice makes perfect, is an old cliche, though I don't think this is true. I don't think we can learn everything about our own particular talent, even if we begin at the age of two years and continue until we are a hundred years old. Our talents are adaptive to our interpretation or style as well. As we change, our lives change or the environment around us changes, our styles then change too. Since our talent changes as we change, we're never able to make that ultimate level of perfection. We may get better with it, we may even become great at it, but never perfection.
So what draws us to the people who are talented, if all of us have talent of some type? What makes us want to be good at something? Is it the attention we receive when we do it well? Probably in part, but I think it is much more than that. The bearded lady in the old time freak shows, just had to grow a beard to be different and popular. I know a lot of older Italian women (apologies to any aunts of mine) who have kind of hairy faces. It has to be more than just the attention.
The better someone is at what they do, the more humble they are in their talent too. Pope John Paul thought he could be a better Catholic every day, and would constantly strive daily to be even better. Clapton is the first to admit that he doesn't know all that his guitar can do. Dave Brubeck, my all time musical hero (and a genius), is now 87 and still performing. Two years ago, wrote a jazz opera called "Cannery Row". The great talents are always striving to be better, though most of us believe they are amazing now.
Letting our talents mature and develop is a choice we make ourselves. We give it our valuable time, stop other things in our lives to practice and make it better. Our talents help define us as us, the unique individual we yearn to be and allow us to refine our introspection.
We have to be good at something in our lives because it gives us a sense of accomplishment and achievement. Whether we share our talents with others or not, we need this to feel like a successful human being, giving our best at something. It keeps our mind occupied in our own interpretations of what our talent is, and what it will become. Next week, it will be better, possibly different, but better. It gives us a sense of self worth, and we don't necessarily share this feeling with anyone. It is self satisfaction we have attained, and this personally belongs to only ourselves.
Even if it is touching your tongue to your nose, or making crude noises, to be good at something gives us self confidence and happiness. We need these two important characteristics to be successful in the rest of our lives. Our talent also gives us a release when we want to be lost and alone. At those times, it helps us sort things out, and allows us to go back to something we are familiar with. It is something personal in our lives that give us no qualms or arguments. Our talents are faithful to us, if we are faithful to them.
Next time a child comes to you and says, "Look what I can do", give the little one your fullest attention. Being the center of attention may not the only thing they are looking for.
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